Oh, what excitement awaits us!

 

January 2006: Mary Harney announces four more trolleys for the hospital service, making in total 2,394 trolleys, 93 more than when Micheál Martin was Minister for Health and Children, the "largest number of hospital trolleys ever in the history of the State".

Michael McDowell promises reform of the libel laws and new privacy legislation. Edna Kenny reaffirms his intention to electrocute the Irish people. Mark Durcan begins his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel, Dublin. Roy Keane makes his debut for Glasgow Celtic.

February 2006: Fifty-three "rendition" prisoners escape from a CIA plane at Shannon. Michael McDowell says they are illegal asylum seekers and thanks the US government for arranging to have them deported to Guantanamo. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner. Roy Keane expresses absolute confidence in the Glasgow Celtic manager, Gordon Strachan.

March 2006: Gerry Adams says the IRA is going away, you know. Thirteen raiders dressed in T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan "Tiocfaidh ár Lá" raid the Central Bank in Dame Street, Dublin, and get away with the entire national reserves. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner. Roy Keane expresses confidence in the Glasgow Celtic manager, Gordon Strachan. Mary Harney announces six new trolleys for the hospital service. Michael McDowell promises reform of the libel laws and new privacy legislation.

April 2006: A refugee, who asks a member of Fine Gael for a light, has a cigarette stubbed out in his eye, is disembowelled and is hacked to death. Edna Kenny says the law has to be changed to protect Fine Gael members from being annoyed on the street. Michael McDowell promises reform of the libel laws and new privacy legislation. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel. Roy Keane says Gordon Strachan is a fine man. Mary Harney announces seven new trolleys for the hospital service.

May 2006: The Sunday Independent reports the late Pope John Paul II died in the company of women likely to be teenage prostitutes. It transpires the late Pope died in the company of one octogenarian nun, three cardinals too old to take part in the ensuing papal election and his older brother. An inquiry is instituted within Independent Newspapers. All the journalists involved are exonerated. The secretive culture of the Vatican is found to have been solely responsible. Roy Keane has no comment to make on Gordon Strachan. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

June 2006: Roy Keane says Gordon Strachan was always a useless player, a useless manager and a pathetic person. Éamon Dunphy, says this is further proof of Roy Keane's patience, loyalty and perspicacity. Dunphy further claims that his steadfast defence of Roy Keane is not influenced by the €5 million commission he has received to update Keane's autobiography. Michael McDowell promises reform of the libel laws and new privacy legislation. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

July 2006: England lose out in the first round of the World Cup, defeated by Paraguay, Tobago, Cameroon, Sweden, the Maldives, the Caymen Islands and Saipan. Roy Keane signs for Glasgow Rangers. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

August 2006: Gerry Adams says the IRA is going away, you know. The PSNI raid the Sinn Féin offices on the Falls Rd and find the missing copy of the SDLP manifesto from the last election. In an exclusive statement issued to Charlie Byrd, P O'Neill says on behalf of the IRA that the manifesto was never read by anyone in the republican movement. The PSNI later confirms the manifesto was never read by anyone. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

September 2006: In a new television series RTÉ reveals exclusively that Dessie O'Malley founded the Progressive Democrats, stood by the Republic, saved Ireland from Charles Haughey, Albert Reynolds and Mary Harney. Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

October 2006: In her annual Dáil speech Liz O'Donnell says the deference shown by the State to the GAA should be ended. Mary Harney announces six new trolleys for the hospital service.

Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel.

November 2006: Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel. Mary Harney announces six new trolleys for the hospital service. Michael McDowell promises reform of the libel laws and new privacy legislation.

December 2006: Mark Durcan continues his speech at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel. John Hume protests Mark Durcan has been allowed speak for a month longer than he was allowed speak at the annual SDLP dinner in the Burlington Hotel, when he was leader.