Welcome to Dull Éireann as waspish Labour leader goes to the gallows

And so, with heavy hearts, we return to Dull Éireann next month minus the three best performers in the chamber, writes Miriam…

And so, with heavy hearts, we return to Dull Éireann next month minus the three best performers in the chamber, writes Miriam Lord.

The sketch writers of Leinster House are trading in their coloured markers for a pack of grey pencils.

Joe Higgins, gone.

Michael McDowell, gone.

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Now Pat Rabbitte, announcing yesterday he is giving up the Labour leadership and taking a back seat for the foreseeable future.

This is a disaster.

Any chance of a late ministerial call up for Senator Eoghan Harris? Could the national parliament sell a block of shares in Leaders' Questions to Michael O'Leary? As matters stand, all hope rests now with the Ceann Comhairle. What say we double the dose of angel dust in The Bull O'Donoghue's cattle nuts? Deputy Rabbitte's decision to resign was not unexpected. It was the timing that came as a bit of a shock. Slap bang in the middle of the August wasteland, when party leaders sleep and the people paid to watch them are similarly disengaged.

Bertie Ahern has donned an invisibility cloak in advance of his tribunal appearance. Indakinny has gone missing. Mary Harney's whereabouts are a mystery.

Perhaps a clue to deputy Rabbitte's intentions lay in his uncharacteristic silence during the Aer Lingus/Shannon controversy. There wasn't a peep out of the Labour leader, when usually the mere whisper of privatisation is enough to set his jowls aquiver.

We know now that he, like Bertie, was hiding out in deepest Kerry. Although while Pat was looking into his heart, Bertie was looking up his lawyers.

Word that he was about to relinquish the top job in Labour leaked out before lunchtime yesterday. Deputy Rabbitte returned from his deliberations in the Kingdom on Tuesday and informed his shocked staff on Wednesday that he wanted to call a press conference the following afternoon.

Ravenous political animals of the press, cruelly awakened from their summer hibernation, massed outside his party's headquarters in Dublin's Ely Place yesterday, eager for sustenance. Pat emerged from the other side of the big red door and walked up to the RHA gallery with a salivating media in tow.

It may have seemed a bit early to be taking out the knitting, but now that a resignation was in prospect, much needle clicking had to be done at the foot of Labour's latest leadership gallows.

For a man about to give up on his big political ambition, Pat looked remarkably upbeat, smiling and laughing. In fact, for a politician conceding failure, he was flinging himself on his sword with remarkable enthusiasm.

Not the sort of performance to fire confidence in aspiring successors.

He arrived with the new acting leader, Liz McManus, by his side. The photographers hemmed them in behind the top table, mad for action after the seasonal lay-off. The two stood for a while, deciding which seats to take, staring for a long time at each other before sitting down.

"Oh, thank God. I thought they were going to kiss," shuddered a cameraman.

Old Rabbittes die hard. So Pat, needless to say, began with a few one liners.

"We're here to launch a document on the tumult in the financial markets, with particular focus on the derivatives market," chortled the last leader. "Deputy McManus will be on hand to answer all the technical questions," he continued, much to the amusement of the acting leader.

Then he read his resignation statement. It must have been a very sad moment for Pat, but he didn't show it. In the crowded room, members of his backroom team, many of whom have already moved on from the Labour Party, looked on with tears in their eyes.

The party had fought a good election, only just falling short of success by a narrow margin, he said. But "in the context of expectations" the performance wasn't good enough.

"As leader, I take responsibility for that outcome." His time at the helm would have run its course next October, and as he did not intend to look for a second term, it didn't make sense for him to hang on. Better to get a new man or woman in place to find their feet before the local and European elections.

It was probably just imagination, but did we hear a faint cry of "hear, hear!" in the air from a distant Fianna Fáil? The leave-taking was very dignified. There were echoes of Mary Harney's snap resignation, right down to the shell-shocked colleagues. She too had reached her decision following a holiday.

It was a tough election for Pat Rabbitte, he fought it well, threw himself into it. Yesterday, despite his upbeat manner, there was an unmistakable weariness about him.

He as much as said it: "I feel I did give it my best shot. I kinda felt I would have one shot at it. I've no regrets . . . I had my stint. I gave it my best shot." All he was short of doing was launching into the chorus of My Way. Ireland has changed hugely in the last decade, and Labour must change with it, said deputy Rabbitte, adding this does not mean changing core values. "Branding and presentation" has to be addressed.

Clearly, deputy Rabbitte feels somebody else should get on with this difficult marketing job. He wouldn't say who that might be.

Leas Ceann Comhairle Brendan Howlin, perhaps, if he can run a campaign while holding that office? Pat sniffed waspishly that he was never "into occupying chairs". And with that little sideways swipe at the favourite for his job, deputy Rabbitte departed.

Farewell, so, Michael, Joe and Pat. Hello, Dull Éireann.