A retro step too far?

ROAD TEST MINI COOPER COUPÉ SD: Interest in Mini’s constant ‘funky evolution’ is flagging, but a ride in the new coupé revived…

ROAD TEST MINI COOPER COUPÉ SD:Interest in Mini's constant 'funky evolution' is flagging, but a ride in the new coupé revived MICHAEL McALEER's spirits – even if it's still an indulgence too far

MINI CLAIMS it’s on a mission but recently it seems like someone has mislaid the plans. Hot on the wheels of the Countryman crossover is a derivative that resembles the metal carbuncles which emerged from back-street garages in the 1970s, devised by oil-smudged overall-clad petrolheads with access to angle-grinders. Motoring wits with welders, they’d turn up at weekends with their Minis reincarnated as hotrods or pick-ups.

Truth be told, I dreaded getting into this car. First off, it just looks daft. It’s like an oversized baseball cap on wheels, which was actually the theme of the concept car upon which this oddball is based.

The brand has milked retro-chic for all its worth. The regular Mini still looks smart around town. But since its arrival they’ve stretched it into an estate, created a soft-top, launched an SUV-like crossover and now they’ve squashed the roof and removed the rear seats. We’re supposed to excitedly wonder what next, but frankly I have been losing interest.

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Inside it’s the regular Mini fare: the annoying dinnerplate speed dial housed in rather harsh hard plastics, a profusion of buttons for little more than interior lighting and, unique to this car, a rear window that only reveals the lower rear bumper of the car behind. This isn’t helped by a retractable rear spoiler that pops up over 80km/h.

Garish stripes running over the roof and two-tone paint don’t improve matters. The only other cars that adorn this sort of livery are decrepit Nissan Micras driven on the rev-limiter by bum-fluffed teens. And I speak from experience: courtesy of three tins of household Crown paint, my first Mini was black, grey and red, with all the on-road punch of a food processor.

So the new Mini Coupé and I were not destined for a buddy movie. And just to make matters worse, our first shared encounter was traversing the stony grey soil of Monaghan. Its undulating, twisting laneways that pass for main roads was set to affirm our ire. Instead it turned our loathing into love. Within 10 minutes it provoked child-like goosebumps and an ear-to-ear grin.

Minis have always handled well but it has been a while since we had our hands on the real deal. These past few weeks I’ve been playing the part of a bus driver in a collection of people carriers or wannabe SUVs. Before that it was a host of environmentally-friendly metal boxes. The Mini Coupé was a joyous reminder that it can still be fun just to drive.

The Cooper diesel is not the most potent of the Coupé range but its great lumps of torque are ideal for Irish back roads. The joy of this coupé is that you don’t really have to wash out too much power entering the corner; it holds its line and you are on the throttle before you’ve ever considered straightening the wheel. Perhaps it’s not the “go-kart” drive that some suggest, but it’s damn close.

The ride is firm – perhaps too firm for some – but really if you expected a magic carpet ride then you probably wouldn’t be looking at a little two-seater in the first place. And the joy it brings in threading through corners more than makes up for the odd spine-bending bump you might encounter. If anything, the heavier engine in the diesel version means they’ve made subtle changes to the platform that actually improve its ride over the petrol versions. It will still rattle your fillings, but won’t crack your spine, even on 17-inch alloys. This 2-litre diesel engine puts out 143bhp and on this tightly honed little chassis that’s ample power to guarantee fun. It’s too noisy at idle but delivers economically, with a very respectable 4.3 litres/100km (or over 65mpg in old money). With emissions of just 114g/km it also falls into the lowest tax band and is rewarded with motor tax of just €104 a year. As its rivals are mostly petrol models, they’ll set you back considerably more in this context.

Practically-speaking this car is at odds with what most buyers want after handing over €25,000 or so.

It really makes no sense unless you have a plan B in the driveway. Yet even if you do take the plunge the boot is surprisingly spacious at 280 litres, far larger than the Mazda MX-5 or even the regular Mini hatchback, which offers up just 160 litres unless the rear seats are lowered. It’s as small and cosseted as it looks, but there’s a lot more than you’d expect when you first eye up this coupé.

Starting at €23,410 the Mini Coupé is an indulgence that most buyers on the market will dismiss. It’s pointless, and yet somehow, against all logic, this car works. Not here, mind: we’re far too financially sober these days to spend our money on such frivolities.

But in lands far away where they still possess a sense of motoring fun and some spare finance, the coupé will sell.

Despite our initial impressions, we can see how this one might just have a place in the motoring lexicon. I’d still prefer a Mazda MX-5 in the driveway, but this car has revived my interest in Mini’s mission.

FACTFILE

ENGINE1.995cc four-cylinder turbodiesel, putting out 143bhp @ 4,000rpm and 305Nm of torque @ 1,750rpm

PERFORMANCE0-100km/h: 7.9 seconds; 216km/h top speed

ECONOMY4.3 L/100km (65.7mpg)

EMISSIONS114g/km (€104 motor tax)

FEATURESBluetooth with USB; Optional Chilli pack (€672) adds 17' alloys; front foglights; xenon headlights; auto air-con. Other options include: runflat tyres (€125); heated seats (€361)

PRICE€28,502 for Cooper SD (€23,410 for 1.6-litre petrol)

RIVALS

Mazda MX-5 1.8L Roadster Coupé – €27,995 (€447 motor tax); Peugeot 207 CC 1.6 HDi Sport – €28,775 (€156 motor tax); VW Scirocco 2.0 TDI 140bhp Sport – €29,595 (€156 motor tax)

OUR RATING6/10

Great fun to drive even if it’s all rather pointless