The next generation: ‘For my children, the world is their oyster’

Yvonne Lynam, who is in her early 40s and from Portlaoise, is a single mother and full-time carer for her father, who is from a farming background. At nine she was already taking on the role of mother to her two brothers and two sisters, when her own mother, who now lives on her own, became ill.

Lynam wants much more for her own children – 23-year-old Amy, 19-year-old Katie and nine-year-old Kevin – whom she encourages to “spread wings and fly”. Her children’s opportunities are vastly greater than her own were – “the world is their oyster”, she says.

Lynam’s generation has seen swift social change and a transformation in family values. With three children by two fathers, whose involvement in her children’s lives she encourages, Lynam felt judged when she became a lone parent, in 1991. She was, she says, seen as a “scarlet woman” by a “judgmental and inflexible older generation”.

“I am educated, with a business ready to go, but I’m in a situation I don’t want to be in as there is a sense of duty. I rely on me. I’m a very strong woman. Women are coming into their own in their early 40s, and I will come into my own. I would like to find a partner, but men I meet lack emotional intelligence.”

“I could not look at my dad not getting the care he needs. He would have withered and died if he didn’t have me as his emotional anchor and to meet his health needs. Older people like to feel safe.

“I want my girls to live their lives and not to feel they are existing and not living. I wouldn’t expect them to look after me. It’s been a huge sacrifice to be a full-time carer, but I wouldn’t change it. I have given my father life, my mother freedom to live on her own and my children the freedom to be themselves.”