Who the hell is...?

Crazy Frog

Plague of frogs: It's been called the most irritating sound known to human- kind, an incessant, escalating "deng deng" that makes your teeth grind, your jaw lock firmly, your fists clench so tightly your palms bleed, and your toes curl all the way round to your heels. When you hear this sound, you'll want to rip your own head off, encase it in concrete and throw it into the ocean just to avoid hearing the bloody thing again. Yet it has become the most popular ringtone in the world, downloaded by millions of mobile phone users, and is soon to be a hit single, courtesy of some cruel, sadistic producers. Before long, the seabed will be the only safe place from this abominable sound. It is, of course, the Crazy Frog, and if any more proof is needed that the world is going to hell in a handcart, then this little b****** is it.

Frog spawned: Crazy Frog is a computer- generated amphibian who wears an old-fashioned air force helmet and makes a noise like a two-stroke motorcycle engine - although no motorcycle exists that can sound this annoying. The creator of the sound was Daniel Melmedahl, a Swedish computer parts salesman. In 1997, when he was 17, Melmedahl would entertain his friends by imitating the sounds made by their mopeds (obviously his friends were easily amused). When he recorded the sound and played it back to his mates, "we laughed until we got tears."

Frog march: The lads uploaded the irritating sound onto the internet, and, as they say in web circles, it went viral. Melmedahl was invited to perform the sound live on Swedish TV (Pat Kenny, eat your heart out), and one web page entitled The Insanity Test invited visitors to listen to the sound without laughing (or blowing their brains out). In 2003, another Swede, Erik Wernquist, created a 3-D animation of an ugly, froglike creature, put it on his website with the accompanying sound and, in an act of uncanny prescience, christened it the Annoying Thing. It was just the annoying thing German ringtone company Jamba! were looking for. Soon Crazy Frog was being advertised on TV stations across Europe, and wired-up kids were snapping it up for their mobile phones. Crazy Frog revenue to date: €14 million.

Frog chorus: With depressing inevitability, the music biz has hopped on the Crazy Frog bandwagon. German producers Bass Bumpers have fused Crazy Frog with Axel F, the Harold Faltermeyer hit from the 1980s, aka the theme for Beverly Hills Cop. "It needed a melody, something to get the hands in the air," is their lame excuse. Complaints about Crazy Frog have already started pouring in - from people annoyed by its over-use in ad breaks to those offended by its genitalia.

Kevin Courtney