Culture

In a Word . . . Men

Empowered women will soon set about eliminating us. And who could blame them?

Patsy McGarry's face
Patsy McGarry
Sat Jun 12 2021 - 00:30

(Warning: This column is intended only for men, as it may be used in evidence against us.) Guys, we have a problem. The rationale for our continued existence gets less daily. Indeed, the growing dominance of women in all walks of life, combined with unhappy statistics, makes it inevitable that measures to eliminate us may get under way any day soon.

Looking at recent reports on Ireland’s crime statistics is sobering (that and the fact that pubs remain closed). Of recorded murder offences in 2019, 83 per cent of suspects were men. In crimes of sexual violence, 99.4 per cent of suspected offenders that year were also men, as were 79.8 per cent of suspected offenders of physical assaults. You can see where this is headed.

Within a broader category of homicide, 90.3 per cent of those recorded as suspects of murder or manslaughter were also men, compared with 9.7 per cent who were women. And 72.7 per cent of suspected offenders of dangerous driving leading to death were men, compared with 27.3 per cent for women.

Worse, 75 per cent of sexual violence cases in 2019 involved a male perpetrator and a female victim, with 22 per cent involving male-on-male abuse. Worst, more than a fifth (20.8 per cent) of those crimes were perpetrated by boys under 18.

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That is just Ireland. Statistics for our gender elsewhere are similar or even worse in many other countries. It seems logical what will happen. Empowered women worldwide will set about eliminating us. And who could blame them?

Increasingly we serve only one purpose where they are concerned, sex. With rapid advances in biology, particularly in the stem cell area, it is just a matter of time before the phrase “grow a pair” passes from the realm of abuse to becoming a practical reality. If you need a pair.

Guys, it is clear our days as a gender are numbered. We will be allowed go gentle, in the best feminine way, to be replaced by a petri dish. Not for women the wholesale testosterone-fuelled slaughter we so favour as solution.

Soon all that will be left of us will be history, and the subtle reminder in that final word, Amen. So be it.

Men, plural of man, from Old English mann, for "a featherless plantigrade biped mammal of the genus Homo". Of course!

inaword@irishtimes.com