Style stakes
The English media was a touch puzzled during the international break when they spotted some members of Thomas Tuchel’s squad wearing slightly peculiar looking fluorescent red footwear. The BBC explained all. They are Nike’s “mind-altering, pregame mules”.
You what now? Well, according to the company, the mules’ “large outsole nodes push against your foot as you step, engaging sensory areas of the brain” so that “you get out of your head, connect with your surroundings, and stay more present in the moment”.
You can chuckle all you like, but England won all eight of their World Cup qualifying games and didn’t concede a single goal. So the mules did their job. They’ll be available for purchase soon, at €84.99. Form an orderly queue.
Word of mouth
“That’s what happens when you have too many drinks.” – An Irish fan by the name of Adam who got a “Pecked by the Parrot” tattoo in Budapest after the Republic of Ireland’s win. Yes, it was missing the extra ‘t’. (Sic) as a Parrott, you might say.
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“At 1-1 Gianluca Mancini started to touch my ass. I said to him, ‘thank you so much for the motivation, let’s ****ing have it’.” – After which Erling Haaland scored twice in two minutes to send Norway on their way to a 4-1 win away to Italy. That’s the last time Gianluca will interfere with his bottom.
TalkSPORT’s Charlie Baker: “Did you ever play with a centre-back as fast as Micky Van de Ven?”
Sol Campbell: “Yes – Sol Campbell.”
Humble, that lad.
Sponsorship announcement of the week
Spurs finding themselves an official hair transplant partner, Turkish company Elithair. “We could not have chosen a better partner to engage our fan base through a mission to inspire self-confidence and offer globally recognised clinical treatment practices,” the club’s chief revenue officer, Ryan Norys, declared.
How excited were the Spurs faithful? (“I was only thinking the other day that we needed to sign a new global partner”; “For all the bruvs losing their hair over watching our team play on a weekly basis”; “Well, we are a bit thin up top at the moment”; “Hair transplant partner, you’ll never sing that”). Very.
In words
“People say we should look in the mirror, but we just go home and reflect.” – Newcastle’s Jacob Murphy on the club’s iffy league form before that win over Manchester City.
In numbers: 150,000
The population of Curacao, the smallest country to ever qualify for a World Cup. That’d be like Wicklow qualifying for USA/Canada/Mexico.
More word of mouth
Cristiano Ronaldo (a fortnight ago): “I think worldwide, even in small islands, they know me more than him [Donald Trump]. In the world, no one is more famous than me.”
US Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins (on last week’s dinner at the White House): “When I sat down, I noticed the name card right next to me said ‘Mr Ronaldo’. I wondered who in the world could that be.”
“It can happen. I wake up many times during the night to go to the toilet and I hit my head, my leg, my everything.” – Chelsea manager Enzo Maresca, who’s badly in need of a torch, on Cole Palmer fracturing his toe by stubbing it on a door at home.
“Talk about grabbing the Premier League with both hands ... I think his performances deserve an England call-up.” – Sunderland old boy Micky Gray bigging up the international prospects of Dan Ballard, the club’s centre half. (Psst: he’s already won 33 caps for Northern Ireland).
