Planet Football

Today's other stories in brief

Old-timer Pleat sharp as ever

Poor old David 'I was inbred in to the game by my father' Pleat gets a bit of a bashing from all quarters over his co-commentary work with ITV, producing over the years highlights such as "Preki quite literally only has the one foot", "Winning isn't the end of the world" and "He's got a brain under his hair". This exchange with ITV's Clive Tyldesley, as recorded by Football 365, was memorable enough too: Tyldesley: "This won't be Manchester United's biggest win in Europe - they actually won a game 10-1." Pleat: "I remember that as a young man. Against Anderlecht, wasn't it?" Tyldesley: "It was in 1903, David."

Fair play to Pleatie; for a man of 100-plus, he's wearing well.

Quotes of the week

"I want our fans to be happy and for them to enjoy the experience of being at Old Trafford. I would appeal to them to just enjoy the performance we intend to put on for them."

- Roma's Francesco Totti. Oh Lordy.

"If we score tonight, and I think we will, we will pull this one off."

- Alex Ferguson, in his programme notes for the Roma game, hopeful of squeezing through to the semi-finals. How wrong he was.

"I honestly can't explain it. We did alright for the first 10 minutes, but . . ."

- Roma coach Luciano Spalletti. That's one big but.

Finnish reporter: " If you go up, will there be any prawn sandwiches served at the Stadium of Light next season?"

Roy Keane: " Will there be prawn sandwiches? Pies, I think. But there'll be prawns in the pies. Good question. You've come all the way from Finland to ask that?"

"He has had to adapt to England. I took him around a car boot sale and told him, 'It's an English tradition where you take all the rubbish out of your house and sell it on a trestle table'. He said, 'It's a supermarket to me!'"

- Plymouth manager Ian Holloway on his efforts to introduce the Hungarian Peter Halmosi to British culture.

" I always tell him before training, 'If you do stepovers on me, I will break your leg and rip up your shirt.' I have no wish to have the mickey taken out of me all week."

- Patrice Evra on the joy of marking Cristiano Ronaldo in training.

Song of the week

"Niall Quinn's taxi cabs are the best, So shove it up your **** Easyjet; Fat Freddie wouldn't do it for the Mags, Niall Quinn's taxi cabs."

- Naturally enough, Sunderland supporters have come up with a tune in honour of Quinn's free taxi service for, well, Sunderland supporters.

Ronaldo - pretender or puffball?

"At 22, he has the same skill factor as Maradona and Pele. Without question, he is getting to the level of best player in the world."

- Alex Ferguson.

"No question, at this moment Ronaldo is the best player in the world. He is unbelievable. Yes, Cristiano can do the same job as Maradona or Pele or Best. He can be like them. Nobody can stop him. Probably the only way to do it is to kill him."

- Patrice Evra.

"I don't believe there is anyone who could rival him as being the best player in the world."

- Ryan Giggs.

"Cristiano Ronaldo is a puffball who's never done it on a big occasion."

- Eamon Dunphy, adding to the avalanche of praise for the Portuguese lad.

No limit to Keane ambition

Naturally enough we always believe what we read, so we're left assuming that Roy Keane will have to do quite a bit of rotating next season if he's going to keep his 96-man squad happy.

The Scottish Herald: " Sunderland boss Roy Keane is eyeing Celtic midfielder Thomas Gravesen."

The Sun: " Roy Keane is plotting a £5-million swoop for Manchester City star Stephen Ireland."

Clubcall: " Sunderland boss Roy Keane is in a race to sign Arsenal striker Jeremie Aliadiere."

TeamTalk: " Sunderland are set to face strong competition from Tottenham this summer for Southend striker Freddy Eastwood."

The Guardian: " Glenn Roeder has told Roy Keane that Damien Duff is not for sale after speculation that Sunderland are preparing a bid for the winger in the summer."

Footballrumours.com: " Roy Keane's top transfer target is actually Craig Bellamy, although he would love to sign Robbie Keane."

Misc: Sunderland set to swoop for Diego Forlan, Wes Brown, Nicky Butt, Richard Dunne. . .

Actually, the only rumour we half trust is the one linking Plymouth's Tony Capaldi with a move to Sunderland. Why? Because we read this on yet another transfer rumour website: "He'll definitely sign in the summer. This is 100 per cent true, however much you rate him. I know this for a fact. I'm his cousin."

That'll do for us.

More quotes of the week

"One fan, who had told me earlier he loved Quinn so much he would give him a kidney, suddenly changed his mind. 'The bloke's a legend,' he declared, 'he can have both of my kidneys'."

- Ian Laws, of the Sunderland Echo, on the rather extreme devotion some supporters up his way have for the Quinn man.

"You can't expect me to work four hours every day on a one-year contract. It will take me five months to buy a house and then the season would be over and I would have to move again."

- Nwankwo Kanu, aghast that Portsmouth have offered him only £20,000 a week - and the lad works a whole four hours a day!

"All possibilities are being checked. A tick bite cannot be ruled out."

- Bayern Munich coach Ottmar Hitzfeld on the rather peculiar injury that's keeping Bastian Schweinsteiger out of action.

"I was being a bit tongue in cheek a few weeks ago when I said I'd grow a beard until I set a new record, but the way games have gone for me, I'd probably end up looking like Santa Claus or Rip Van Winkle by the time it happens."

- David James explaining why he shaved off that extraordinary beard, which he had intended keeping until he set a Premiership record of 142 clean sheets.

" There have been shocks before and it would be a major shock beyond belief if we won - up there with a man landing on the moon."

- Watford manager Adi Boothroyd before Saturday's FA Cup semi-final against Manchester United, which proved to be a small step for United, and a giant leap for Watford.