Planet Euro2004

Foot in mouth: "The England fans will be talking about their 1-0 win over France in Lisbon for many years to come." - ITV's Clive Tyldesley just before ZZ struck.

"As manager of Tottenham (Jacques) Santini will have 'One-nil to the Eng-er-land' sung at him at every Premiership ground next season."

- Tyldesley . . . see above

"I think David James could become the hero if it goes to penalties."

- Tony Adams' preview of the England v Portugal game.

"La victoire est ecrite en bleu."

- "Victory is written in blue", the logo inscribed on the French team bus.

On the box

"Zidane goes into this tournament if not the best player in the world, the best player in the world."

- Gary Lineker

"I wouldn't say the Greeks were lucky, because they've deserved their luck."

- Robbie Earle

"Larsson's header changed the complexion of the game. As goals normally do. That's why you score them."

- Johnny Giles

"Finnish football's greatest finisher".

- David Pleat on Henrik Larsson. Of Sweden

The new Kevin Keegan?

"France are a fantastic team. I think they're better than Brazil. I think they're the best team in the world at the moment . . . but I'm conscious not to over-hype them."

- Michael Owen

"Mentally, John Terry's as strong as an ox."

- Owen, again.

"Half of me is ecstatic that we're through but five per cent of me is disappointed I haven't scored."

- Owen, who only brought 55 per cent of himself to Portugal.

"These tournaments only come along every two years, so you can't expect to win them every year."

- Eh, Owen.

"You just can't replace Michael Owen, because you need a Michael Owen to replace Michael Owen."

- Never a truer word was spoken, Kenny Dalglish.

Tributes

"On European beaches in the summer, football is not required for there to be incidents with drunken Englishmen."

- UEFA's William Gaillard responds to news of trouble in Albufeira.

"I don't like his earrings, he looks like a cow."

- Maria do Carmo (14) on Cristiano Ronaldo.

"They eat eggs and sausages for breakfast, drive on the left, play baseball with an oar, set times for drinking and think they are the best."

- Portuguese newspaper 24 Horas bids adieu to the departing English.

"Sometimes he looks like he's towing a caravan, he's nae mobile at all."

- ITV's Ally McCoist on the man mountain that is Jan Koller.

Fed up

"There was no glory, not even dignity, nothing to cling on to, not even to good play or bad luck."

- Newspaper AS after Spain's exit.

"The dwarves from the Baltic left us suffering and despairing."

- Newspaper Bild am Sonntag after Germany's draw with Latvia.

"A team gone to seed . . . in our national team there is not a single real champion. The worst Italian team of recent years, even of recent decades."

- The Italian press's take on their team's efforts.

"Shame on the Swiss referee, the Emmenthal-eating appeasement monkey who ruined the lives of millions of honest yeomen bearing their simple flag."

- The Evening Standard's Justin Cartwright

Beckham bashing

"Lord, what a dunce!"

- Ukrainian TV commentator Dmitro Dzhulai after Beckham missed his penalty against Portugal . . . Dzhulai was promptly sacked.

"Footballer, pop star, philanderer, flop - in that chronological order, the short history of David Beckham.

- The Singapore Sunday Times.

"The New Miss England . . . Blow it like Beckham."

- Headlines in the Times of India and the Singapore Straits Times.

"It is not the penalty spot's fault if David Beckham wants to impersonate Johnny Wilkinson. It seems that one player had a particular problem with the penalty spot but none of the others. Everyone can draw their own conclusions."

- UEFA's William Gaillard

Roonmania

"I don't remember anyone making such an impact on a tournament since Pele in the 1958 World Cup."

- Sven-Goran Eriksson (see below).

"We must be careful not to hype Wayne."

- Eriksson (see above).

"Whether Wayne Rooney will come as good as he has, only time will tell."

- Trevor Brooking.

Gary Newbon (ITV): "David, was Wayne Rooney disappointed to lose his youngest goalscorer record on Monday to the young Swiss striker?"

David Beckham: "No, but I'm sure it'll just make him even more determined to get it back against Portugal tonight."

"Rooney seems to have modelled his style of play on the baby elephant that ran amok in the Blue Peter studio."

- The London Times' Simon Barnes

Scolarispeak

- "These 20 days are the first time I have had the chance to spend a long time with the team. It is like going out with a girlfriend for five or six years, getting married and splitting up one week later. You sleep together, wake up and then you see what she looks like first thing in the morning - really quite ugly."

Reporter: "How would you compare Pele and Wayne Rooney?"

Scolari: "One is black, the other is white. I think Rooney is a good player, but Pele? There will only ever be one in the world. You couldn't even make another with a computer."

- "Forgive me, I am not talking to the Spanish media. You are Spanish and we are Portuguese. We have a game to play. My comments might be twisted or turned around. This is a war and in war you have to kill and not die."

- "We mustn't think we're the best. We're among the four best. Now the recipe is, as we say in Brazil, feet on the ground, a little bit of chicken soup."

Ouch

"Holland's chances depend on the various personalities putting themselves at the service of the team - that's why I don't expect them to reach the semi-finals."

- Former Dutch coach Louis van Gaal.

"All hail King Zinedine of Scotland!"

- A message left by a Scottish supporter on englandfc.com

"England's head coach demonstrated his sense of humour by sending on Phil Neville to replace Frank Lampard. It was like a painter and decorator taking over from Michelangelo to finish off the Sistine ceiling. Marvellous."

- The Daily Express's Mick Dennis.

"Please, speak slowly - and we cannot do this if you are from Liverpool."

- Auxerre coach Guy Roux agreeing to speak to English (but non-Scouse) reporters.

"We were sitting in row Q, so you can imagine how much that shot missed by".

- Spectator Pablo Carral, who caught David Beckham's penalty against Portugal.

Rapture

"I saw England were one-love down and I was really nervous but when they made a goal, I was like 'yes'."

- Serena Williams, getting in to the Euro 2004 swing of things, kind of.

"Ancient Greece had 12 gods - Modern Greece has 11."

- A Greek banner hails their all-conquering heroes.

"The Unstoppable Force - We Are At The Gates Of Glory."

- Newspaper Record after Portugal reached the final.

"You know the way people call an unmade bed art? Well, THAT'S art."

- Gordon Strachan on Zinedine Zidane.

"Tear down the walls for the heroes to pass."

- Greek newspaper Ethnos.