GAME PLAYER

Kevin Caseyopens up his gamer's Christmas diary

December 23rdOn the first day of Christmas we play Mario Karts (Wii) all night. We continue in this vein nonstop for 10 days and nights, until my true love (Peaches) reminds me that "it's time to peel the parsnips".

December 24thIssue to neighbour Helen her annual pwnage on Tekken (PS2) when she pops by for coffee. So long and thanks for all the butter cookies. In the follow-up, her 10-year old beats me to a pulp. I smile and try not to snivel.

December 25thThis Christmas I buy the Wii a tennis racquet/ baseball bat/golf club set, and new jackets for the controllers. I hope she likes it. The interest- rate Santa brings me Smash Bros Brawl (Wii), thank you very much. Following a stirring, patriotic breakfast of sausages and black pudding, we declare the Second Christmas Console-ympiad open.

The best thing about having your family round you on Christmas day is you get to beat them all at Wii sports. Everyone wants to play. It's a happy hunting ground for your humble games correspondent. I'll take all comers on, regardless of age or relationship to me, in a game of Wii tennis. It's one of the joys.

After dinner we re-run Flix (Xbox), the film-quiz game from last year. My niece wins this time. Later I find out she is using her new iPod Touch to slyly check the Imdb for answers. Unethical, but I have to kind of admire that.

Later on that evening, 45 minutes into the cat's choir that is Lips (Xbox), I wanna be sedated, as per the Ramones song bundled with the game. Pity the wireless mic doesn't do anything to improve our voices. Total Hex Factor.

Down the hall I see my niece and nephew working together on a Little Big Planet (PS3) concept level. Cute. Everybody gets a medal in the Christmas Console-lympics.

December 26thCousin Vinny brings over his brand new FIFA 09 (PS3). He's so in awe of my pseudo-footballing skills and experience is he that he starts referring to me as "Two-Thumbs Trappatoni". Then, five minutes later he learns the basics ("X for everything"). Before I know it he's sliding across the floor on his knees and shooting triumphant pistol-fingers into the air. Annoying.

There's no better way to release all that pent-up aggression from spending so much time with your nearest and dearest than slaughtering the Locust horde in online Gears of War 2 (Xbox). True meaning and all that.

December 31stGuilt catches up and I break out the Wii Fit board I bought last summer but never used. It's the best-selling game for ages now so it should be brilliant. Before I can begin, it weighs me and charts my body mass index on a graph. I don't understand it fully, but red lines and borderlines sprout up everywhere. Obesity is beckoning, according to this game-thing, machine-in-my- house.

It makes my New Year's resolution for me. I switch off the consoles, unplug them all and head out for a brisk walk. Now that's what I call Wii fit.