Beckham brand the goal of 'Goal!'

Social commentators concerned about the growing cultural influence of David Beckham may be distressed to hear that Bruce Davey, co-producer of the dead-ball specialist's first film, intends to use his (Davey's, not Beckham's) work on The Passion of the Christ as a business model.

Danny Cannon's Goal!, a $100 million trilogy, the first part of which should hit screens next August, stars Diego Luna of Y Tu Mamá También fame as a prodigy from East LA (yes, in America, where all the great "soccer" stars come from) who secures a contract with Newcastle United before going on to triumph at the 2006 World Cup. Beckham, Raul and Zinedine Zidane all play themselves (really) while Shrek will feature as Wayne Rooney (joke).

Cinéfrance's new sponsor

It being the law that all Irish cultural jamborees require a booze manufacturer as a major sponsor, Martell, maker of fine cognacs, has offered its support to what used to be the Cinéfrance Festival, which will henceforth be known as the Martell French Film Festival. The guest of honour at the event, which begins on November 24th in Dublin's Irish Film Institute, will be the English actress Jane Birkin, who, though still principally remembered for wheezing along with Serge Gainsbourg on Je t'aime . . . moi non plus, has had a distinguished career in French film.

As well as a season of Birkin's movies, les punters can enjoy new work from such great directors as Agnès Varda, Chantal Ackerman and Robert Guédiguian. Jacques Richard will also be on hand to discuss his mighty documentary on Henri Langlois, the founder of the Cinématheque Française. See the IFI's website at www.irishfilm.ie for details.

Brosnan's licence revoked

Having established a convention whereby this column relates every tedious nuance of the shenanigans surrounding the casting of James Bond, we feel obliged to point out that Pierce Brosnan is in a bit of a huff after being sacked. "They invited me back, and they changed their minds halfway through negotiations," he said on the Jonathan Ross show last week. A few days earlier Brosnan had tipped Colin Farrell for the role, leading the Castleknock hunk to declare that he wasn't interested.

One can hardly blame Roger Moore for the ennui he displayed when Reel News met him in Dublin before a UNICEF shindig recently. "I am always being asked who the new Bond should be," he said. "What on earth do I know about it?"

Lee rides the horror express

The great Christopher Lee, whose long career is passing through a spectacular Indian summer thanks to the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars franchises, has signed to appear in a medieval horror film by Irish director Andrew Baird. With a title like A Plague of Spiders, it should come as no surprise that the picture is a Roger Corman production. As is the case with so many horror flicks these days, principal filming looks set to take place in eastern Europe.

Keel sleeps far from heaven

The great Howard Keel, star of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and, latterly, Dallas, who died last Sunday, seems to have held a commendably cynical attitude towards mainstream notions of the afterlife. "You know, people say 'Wait and go to heaven'," he mused some years back. "Well, if heaven's like they claim it is, I don't want to go. I'd get bored." Clayton Farlow fans everywhere hope that his current accommodation is more to his liking than he once feared it might be.

US resists Jude's charms

Following indifferent reviews, the Jude Law remake of Alfie turned in a duff performance at the US box-office last week. With commendable chutzpah, Paramount distribution chief Wayne Llewellyn suggested that the conservative mood of the nation indicated by last week's election might be to blame. "Maybe they didn't want to see a guy that slept around," he said. Yeah, right.

dclarke@irish-times.ie