Enabling parents to cope with children on drugs

Parents cannot afford to ignore any obvious change in teenagers' behaviour if there is a possibility they might be using drugs…

Parents cannot afford to ignore any obvious change in teenagers' behaviour if there is a possibility they might be using drugs. That's the advice of a mother from a small town in a Border county who discovered her son was becoming an addict.

She is now a facilitator with the Aisling Group, a drugs-awareness organisation which held its first meeting in Sligo recently. She says the group was "a lifeline" when she first suspected her 16-year-old son was taking drugs and she had no one else to turn to.

"Every parent knows their child, and when you know something is not right, don't be afraid to investigate it. Every teenager has bad days, sulks, and gives back answers, but if you think something is wrong you should investigate it. At least then if there is a problem you will have got it early," she says.

Her son lost his interest in cars and stock-car racing and started spending time hanging around town rather than working in the garage. He also began associating with friends of whom she didn't approve and his attitude at home started to change.

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"I was so afraid it was drugs, but there was nowhere to go. I was afraid to go to the authorities - you feel that you did something wrong."

After finding out about the Navan-based Aisling Group and attending a course for parents, she dealt with the problem differently.

"We made a stand in our home against drug use and set down rules he had to keep. It is about making a contract with your children - sitting down and explaining - but you have to keep communication open. Don't scream or shout or you'll just drive them back to their drug-using friends." Her son didn't stick to the rules and he eventually left home when he turned 18. "It is absolutely heartbreaking to see your son or daughter move out and you know they are going to hurt themselves and there is nothing you can do, but they have to learn for themselves. They have to learn that they are responsible for their own actions."

After some time her son moved back home, saying he did not want to take drugs any more. One of his friends had died from an overdose. He went to a drug treatment centre in Dublin, and has been drug-free for eight months.

The Aisling Group believes in "empowering parents locally to take charge and deal with drug problems by providing them with the necessary skills for parenting in the drug age". The group can be contacted on 046 74300 or 086 247 1110.