Sometimes it's cool to go out to play

Ask most youngsters if they play any sport and they'll probably reply, "Yeah - football, tennis, athletics, basketball, golf, motor racing, ice hockey, cricket, snooker, American football, boxing, rugby league, jetski racing and snowboarding." "Jaaanie," you'll say, marvelling at their boundless energy, vigour, enthusiasm, verve and zest for life. But then ask them where they play all these sports and they'll say, "On me Playstation".

Gently point out that this doesn't actually come under the true definition of "playing sport" and they'll smile sympathetically and give you a look that says, "Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . (yawn)".

Ask them why, then, do they need high energy drinks, Nike trainers, Adidas sweatshirts, Puma tracksuit bottoms, Reebok socks, Le Coq Sportif knee pads, Kappa sweat bands, Ellesse T-shirts and Cooper helmets if the only energy they expend is by pressing the buttons on their Playstation controls, and they'll give you a withering look that makes you feel very old. "Fashion, dude, fashion," the sighing six-and-three-quarters-year-old will reply.

Ask for confirmation that they don't partake in any real life sporting activity and they'll say, "Activity? Sorry dude, ne comprendez pas - wanna game of Actua Soccer 99?". Look aghast and proceed to tell them that they should forget their Playstations and play real sport because it'd be good for them, physically and psychologically, turning them into well-rounded individuals who'd have a sense of fair play and would know the difference between right and wrong, thus helping them develop into adults who could make a significant contribution to society. "Like yer man Jeffrey Archer, the former runner," they might respond, at which point you should give them a clip 'round the ear and tell them not to answer back (while silently conceding they'd just made a good point).

No argument, computer games are wonderful, up there with the invention of the wheel in the "things that make life a whole lot more fun" top 10. (Admission: life this past year would have been a whole lot less fun if it wasn't for the discovery of a computer game in which a heavily armed deer mows down deerhunters - one is eagerly awaiting an Irish creation of a game in which an Uzi-toting bunny rabbit hunts down harecoursing enthusiasts.) And if it wasn't for that fine Sensible World of Soccer computer game I would never have led Barnet to the European Cup final (where they lost on penalties to AC Milan), an achievement that led to my interview with Eamon Dunphy on The Last Word, when he congratulated me heartily on my extraordinary accomplishment, but pointed out that I still couldn't hold a candle to his good friend Joe Kinnear in the managerial stakes.

"Why," I asked.

"Because," said Eamon.

"Because what," I asked.

"Because, because, because . . . he's my bestest friend and, therefore, should be manager of the Republic of Ireland," he replied.

"With Johnny Giles, your other bestest friend, as his assistant?".

"Precisely - and now over to Navan Man . . ."

So yes, there is room for computer games in this world, but while my local green patiently awaits the arrival of its first Rivaldo wannabe - even providing a "Slow - Children Crossing" sign for him/her to practise nutmegs - a considerable chunk of the under-18 population has decided that sporting activity is for . . . losers. So says an Adidas survey, published earlier this week.

Admittedly it was a survey carried out on children in the UK, but it's difficult to imagine that the young people of Ireland hold dramatically different views on sport and less important things, like life. The findings? "Teenagers are shunning PE lessons in school because they see sport as uncool, are worried about their image and are too body-conscious. Figures from some areas suggest that up to a third of boys and 70 per cent of girls are doing little, if any, physical exercise every week."

It gets worse. "Girls are put off because they do not want to be seen by boys in skimpy shorts or skirts, or to damage their hairdos while swimming or in the showers. They see sport as unfeminine because it is `competitive and masculine' - and it makes them sweaty and tired."

(This was a particularly depressing finding, adding some weight to Homer Simpson's view that, "If the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such and such".)

And it got still worse. "Youngsters were also frightened of being harmed. They worried about being hit by a stray ball, being kicked or falling over. They also hated playing outside in cold and wet weather."

And, um, worser still:

"Children wanted more choice in school sports, like trampolining and step aerobics."

Trampolining and step aerobics!? Are these not activities designed for those of us who haven't seen our toes since the Bay City Rollers topped the hit parade?

What have we done to our children that they should have such a depressing outlook on sporting life?

Sport is "uncool"? In my schooling days the only uncool sport was rugby and that was because the rugby playing boys in our school (a) had necks wider than their heads and were therefore classified as "alarmingly ugly"; (b) developed Dart-line accents even before the Dart was a twinkle in the eye of the Dublin City manager (probably after spending too much time in scrums with Blackrock boys), and (c) were usually called Tristan, Josh or Ken and were the only ones to wear the school tie outside school hours.

Other than that involvement in sport was perfectly cool, and brilliance at it cooler still. But, then again, we didn't have Playstations to distract us.

Maybe, in Ireland, we haven't quite plummeted to the crisis levels that sport in the UK has reached, but, at best, we're probably not far behind. Talk to the administrators of just about any amateur sport in Ireland - bar, perhaps, basketball - and they'll tell you they're struggling to encourage children to get involved.

"There's the whole question of self-esteem - it's about dignity, it's about giving them a chance, making them feel important, even the whole thing of learning teamwork and recognising they have a significant contribution to make. Sport was my magic as a kid and I know, given half the chance, it can be every child's too."

So said Fr Joe Young, the Limerick priest who believes sport can play an inestimable role in a child's development. So, lock up the Playstations and get your kids on the playing fields, and try to convince them that sport is "cool". Which it is, of course. (Apart from rugby).