How the Greens missed out on Al Gore . . . Peter Hain's txt msg . . . the "devil" who spotted the detail in McDowell's Act . . . the Leinster House first XV . . . Election time in May? . . . Albert on the move . . .
Greenissues are hot at the moment, with some of the world's coolest celebrities embracing the cause. In advance of last week's conference, the Green Party thought it might be a good idea to go after a big name international guest. Inquiries were made about the availability of former US vice-president Al Gore, who won an Oscar on Sunday for his documentary, An Inconvenient Truth.
Unfortunately for the Greens, the inconvenient truth is that Big Al comes at an inconvenient price. Along with a €70,000 fee, he required first-class air travel for his seven- strong entourage and bed and board at a five-star hotel. The party was looking at a €140,000 bill for the pleasure of the former VP's company.
In the interests of the planet - and the avoidance of financial ruin - they thought of the airplane emissions and decided to give Al a miss.
The more competitively priced Eddie Hobbs - who didn't have to rush off to Hollywood to collect a gong and probably had a recycled speech - did the honours instead.
Perma-tannedNorthern secretary Peter Hain caused a few headaches on both sides of the Irish Sea in the weeks coming up to the historic Ireland-England rugby match. Mr Hain was keen to lay a wreath at Croke Park in memory of the 14 people killed there by British forces in 1920. He persisted with the idea, until the idea was shot down at the highest levels in London and Dublin.
Minutes after the final whistle last Saturday, jocose text messages began circulating, saying Gerry Adams would be laying a wreath to commemorate the stuffing of 15 Englishmen in Croke Park. Minister for Foreign Affairs Dermot Ahern was among the recipients.
Cut to Monday morning, and a meeting of the British-Irish Intergovernmental Conference in Dundalk. Hain began the meeting by informing his audience of po-faced civil servants in clipped tones: "I have here a very important message here from Dermot Ahern."
The mandarins snapped to attention as the Northern Secretary fished out his mobile phone and began to read: "Peter Hain is to lay a wreath in Croke Park . . ."
The Taoiseachdoesn't have to cut and run until July, but the smart money is on him calling a May election. Avoiding school exams and summer holidays are the usual explanations, although a doctor in Leinster House offers a more unusual reason.
Apparently, May is the month when the fewest number of anti-depressants are prescribed. This means voters may be less likely to assault canvassers when they call in the middle of Coronation Street.
By the time the campaign is over, the demand for anti-depressants will be through the roof.
Bertie might also want to call an election while he can still call upon the wise counsel of his special adviser Una Claffey. The former RTÉ political correspondent, who left Montrose in 2000 to join the Taoiseach's inner circle, is retiring in June.
Given her experience, Una could be expected to step easily into the lucrative world of corporate affairs.
However, never one to follow the herd (expect a stampede of advisers cashing in after the election), Claffey doesn't have any plans to go to the private sector. A seasoned traveller - she has a home in northern Spain - Una reportedly intends to spend more time abroad. She was recently conferred with an honour by the French government.
Anothermajor triumph for Irish rugby went unnoticed in all last week's fuss. On the eve of the big clash, at the Old Belvedere grounds in Dublin, a Dáil XV took on the combined might of the British parliament.
Captained by Fine Gael's Simon Coveney, the Irish ran out winners by 17-12. Minister of State Conor Lenihan distinguished himself in his Brian O'Driscoll role at centre, while ministerial colleague Seán Power and Fine Gael senator John Paul Phelan also played a blinder. There were no anthems and the game was conducted in a sportsman-like manner. There was only one outbreak of fisticuffs.
Afterwards everyone had lunch. "It was gentlemanly throughout and then it got serious," Coveney said.
Congratulationsto Mike Burns, former RTÉ newsman turned media consultant, who was presented with life membership of the Association of European Journalists at its monthly lunch. The award was presented by Maurice Manning, president of the Irish Human Rights Commission, to mark Mike's 70th birthday.
Congratulationswill also soon be in order for former taoiseach Albert Reynolds, who is waiting for the decorators to move out so he and Kathleen can move into their new apartment in Dublin's Four Seasons Hotel. In a way, it's a return to "Cloudland" for Albert, who began his career running dance halls.
The penthouse apartment, which had a €6 million price tag, is the biggest in the hotel complex, with three bedrooms, two sitting rooms and a state-of-the-art kitchen.
By moving up, Albert will be trading down. He bought his pile on Ailesbury Road for about £650,000 in 1993. On the sought-after sunny side of the road, it is valued in the region of €15 million today. "We're putting Ailesbury on the market as soon as we have the other property ready. We're really looking forward to moving in," says a perky Albert.
There'll not be a yard of chintz to be had in Dublin by the time Kathleen is done.
No betterman than Albert to turn a tidy profit on bricks and mortar. Not so PD leader Michael McDowell, who wants everyone to know that he isn't into auction politics. He may well be regretting this now.
In 1988, he sold his elegant Georgian home in Ranelagh for €102,000, trading up to a larger slice of Victorian elegance in, er, Ranelagh. If he had followed the lead of many of his contemporaries and had held on to 15 Mountpleasant Square as a pension, the Tánaiste would be sitting on a house with an AMV of €2.4 million.
Maybe he moved to accommodate his ever- growing collection of McDowell memorabilia. Michael and his wife Niamh have amassed a comprehensive record of his public life, including many of the more unflattering cartoons and photographs that have appeared over the years. Those recent pictures of the Tánaiste pointing into the distance, as if he were giving a fascist salute, are already framed and hanging in Charleston Road.
Kudosto lawyer Finbar O'Malley, legal adviser to the Labour Party. While burning the midnight oil last Wednesday night, he spotted the anomaly in the legislation rushed through the Dáil last year to deal with the statutory rape crisis.
It will come as a comfort to the Minister for Justice that Finbar, who devilled for him at the Bar, learned his trade so well, spotting a loophole that escaped the distinguished Tánaiste and senior counsel.
As thegeneral election approaches, hardened political pundits are laying on bets fast and furious. On Wednesday night, colourful Kerry Fine Gael supporter Frank Quilter met Roscommon FF TD Michael Finneran in Jurys Hotel.
After some exchanges of political banter, Frank offered the Fianna Fáil TD 2/1 that Fine Gael would win three seats in Enda Kenny's Mayo constituency.
Finneran rose to the challenge, and Independent FF TD Michael Collins is now holding two cheques, one for €1,000 payable to Michael Finneran and the other for €500 payable to Frank Quilter.
Bertieismof the week: "A handful of poor people from Drumcondra are belingered because they have known me for 40 years."
The poor belingered voters of Drumcondra can now expect to be beleaguered as well when Bertie hits their doors.
