Foxrock member Tony Cauldwell, who professes an aversion to techno-babble, felt our readers might warm to his simple ABC of golf. And, as an aside, he wondered if it would qualify under Rule 35, which the Callaway company have designated as: "Enjoy the Game".

Anyway, here is Cauldwell's list:

A - is for an Albatross, three under par?, not me;

B - is for Birdie, which I'm always glad to see.

C - is for Super-chip, leaving a gimme of a putt;

D - is for Double-bogey: damn it, I've missed the cut.

E - is for Eagle, which I very seldom glimpse;

F - . . . . I missed the Fairway, ah well, that's just for wimps.

G - is for Graphite-shaft, out of date I hear you say;

H - is my new Hickory shaft, now just watch me play.

I - is for my Iron shots, where backspin I've seldom seen;

J - is for Jigger, sometimes handy off the green.

K - is for (white?) Knuckles, how many should I show?

L - is for the putt I lag, three times in a row.

M - is for Masters, when the big names make news;

N - is for the Nineteenth hole, where all hold expert views.

O - is for the Oozler, I'm nearest the pin;

P - is the simple Putt for par, but I don't knock it in.

Q - is a Quadruple-bogey; relax, it's just a game;

R - is for the Rules of golf, since Cocker they're not the same.

S - is for the dreaded Shank, almost as bad as the yips;

T - is for Titanium, I think that's for replacement hips.

U - is the Unbelievable putt I sank to stay alive;

V - is the Velocity with which I then knocked down my drive.

W - is a Water-hazard, so drink wine - a votre sante; X - is for Xenophobia, some Americans have for Monty.

Y - is for the Yips, when over simple putts I freeze;

Z - is for Zero Stableford points, which brings me to my knees.