Notes from a proud mother, lazy loser and a quick learner

 

Dear Golf Masters, I was very glad to read in your column (a fortnight ago) that there were just four weeks remaining in your competition because it is costing me a fortune. My son Niall has entered two teams and one or other of them has featured in the overall leaderboard almost since the start. However, as he is a 21-year-old student on a J2 summer visa to San Diego, California, he has no access to the up-to-date figures - so what does he do? Makes a reverse charge phone call home every Thursday to dear old Mom who reads out the latest news. I should be grateful to The Irish Times, I suppose, as it means I hear from my darling boy on a weekly basis. But I am dreading the next phone bill. Yours, Anne Marie Lucey (Tralee)

So Anne Marie, you're Niall's assistant manager? "I suppose I am. His father wanted to manage the teams for him but Niall said 'not in a fit, your team is in 16,000th'. It's not? "It is. It's hilarious.")

Dear Golf Masters, Have I secured a first? Am I the first entrant who has never used the transfer facility since its inception? Am I the first entrant to have total trust in my original team selections? How come I have never appeared as owner of one of the worst performing teams in the competition? How come I have never called to check the standing of my teams? Am I stupid? Am I just lazy? Do I deserve a Golf Masters shirt for my non-efforts? Have I some neck or what? Yours, Gerry McCormack (Limerick).

(Gerry? The answer to most of your questions is "yes", including the last two).

Dear Golf Masters, With two weeks to go in this year's competition I think I've finally cracked it - the trick is to pick players in form. Can we start again? Yours, Paul Cooney (Dublin)

(Paul? No).