WINE in restaurants. Restaurant wine lists, restaurant wine service, restaurant mark-ups... there, I've spat out the bones of what appears to be the most perilous wine topic of them all. Before these words have been in print for half an hour, knives will have been sharpened, I imagine, for the counter-attack.
So let me get the retaliation in first. Of course plenty of Irish restaurants deserve praise for their wine lists, and of course they all need to make a profit on wine as well as food, and yes, it's true that mark-ups in Ireland are lower than in many other European countries.
But the case for the prosecution remains, and it is this: there are still too many restaurants here with an attitude problem as far as wine is concerned lazy, careless, greedy. Some serve in palatable house wine - for which, with so much perfectly drinkable cheap wine around, there's absolutely no excuse. And some charge heartstopping prices. I am still in shock at having discovered, in a Co Limerick hotel at Christmas, a southern French Merlot, usual retail price £5.49. listed at £19. alongside Jadot's basic young red Bourgogne, usual retail price £8.99, at £29. Since then I've noted enough other stratospheric mark-ups to establish that this was not an isolated case.
"Rip-off? That's an ugly word and an unfair word," said Henry O'Neill, chief executive of the Restaurants Association of Ireland, when pressed for a reaction. "There is no rip-off element in the restaurant business in this country. If there were, restaurants wouldn't be doing as well as they are.
Let's look at the arithmetic. From my collection of restaurant wine lists, a general picture emerges. On average, wine costs twice as much to buy in a restaurant as in a wine shop. (It is fairly standard practice, I gather from several importers, for restaurateurs to multiply their cost-price by 2.42, allowing for a 100 per cent mark-up after payment of VAT.) In establishments with an extensive cellar of interesting wines and trained staff to dispense them, this seems reasonable enough. But when the mark-up strays higher than 100 per cent - especially for rubbishy wines, served with maximum insouciance the situation is hard to stomach.
There are encouraging moves in the right direction. The shift towards more relaxed, bistro-style eating has brought a new wave of shorter, sharper wine lists at keener prices. Rolys Bistro was one of the first restaurants to introduce a "house selection" of 10 decent wines, all at the same, modest price (currently £9.95). "The whole Rolys philosophy is based on getting the quality/value ratio right," explains Roly Saul. So well has this approach gone down with customers that other restaurants are following suit - notably Morels Bistro, with a lengthy list at £10. Needless to say, restaurants such as these also offer more exotic treasures - but again their prices tend to be competitive.
This trend is likely to continue - not least because, with wine consumption rocketing, people are beginning to know what they like and how much they are prepared to pay for it. We're getting over our wine insecurities played up, for so long, by pompous and patronising wine waiters. That's not to say that we don't still need basic information. The producer's name, the vintage and the country of origin should be stated, at the very least (start looking closely if you don't believe that they're often mentioned erratically). A brief description of the style of each wine would be an extra-special bonus.
A few last fleeting requests, before an army of sommeliers brandishing their stiff cards beats me into silence. Could we have a wider choice of wines by the glass, please? (Eden, the snazzy new restaurant in Temple Bar, manages a creditable eight at £2.50) And a wider choice of half bottles, too?
I'm tempted to beg, while I'm at it, for an end to the widespread restaurant practice of serving fridge-chilled white wine in an ice-bucket, so that it hits the tastebuds without a trace of flavour.