I always prided myself on never being sick

MY HEALTH EXPERIENCE:THE DAY I had my heart attack started off pretty much as usual except that even before I called the kids for school I was feeling sick.

I remember thinking I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. I had dropped my husband John to the bus at 6.40am and when I got back to the house I decided to have a cup of coffee before calling the kids. My stomach was so sick that I was sure I had food poisoning and was blaming a takeaway we had the night before.

I had a shower, got the kids up, still felt really sick and decided to have another coffee. As well as a horrible sick feeling I started to sweat and felt so lethargic and weak that when I eventually got the kids into the car I could not even turn the key in the ignition.

I felt as if I might pass out and, of course, I could not let that happen with the kids in the car, so we just went back into the house and phoned my husband. I remember that I did not even have the strength to hold the phone. John told our daughter Orla to pay no attention to me but to call an ambulance immediately. He quite rightly knew that I would never do this as I would worry about wasting their time for something as silly as food poisoning.

Orla told me later that the ambulance men were working on me for 20 minutes at the house. I vaguely remember them spraying something on my tongue and asking me lots of questions. I could not walk to the ambulance – they put me in a chair – but I could talk and answer their questions. They kept reassuring me and when we were in the ambulance I remember them putting on the siren and saying there was a bit of traffic, but I could see out and there wasn’t.

Obviously I never thought of a heart attack. I was a 46-year-old woman. I had no pain, not in my chest or arm or anywhere.

But by the time we got to Navan Hospital I was really frightened. I remember asking a nurse was I going to die and she said, “Not on my watch, babe”. I was in the emergency room and everybody seemed to be around me and moving very quickly.

Then a doctor examined me and asked me did I know what was happening and I said no. He said, “You are having a massive heart attack”, and I remember thinking to myself, “This is not good”.

I remember trying really hard to keep my eyes open and telling myself: “Stay with them, stay with them”.

They gave me one of those clot- busting drugs, thrombolysis. I was brought to the coronary care unit and I remember that I was freezing cold. At some stage John and the kids were brought in to see me. The kids were really upset, but I tried to tell them I was fine.

I was transferred to the Mater hospital and two paramedics and a nurse and a doctor were in the ambulance with me. I remember saying to the nurse, “I am very frightened”. I think I kept saying that. I felt so exhausted and I knew that if they sent a doctor and a nurse with me they were worried that something might happen on the way.

At the Mater I had two stents inserted. Unbelievably, I was back in Navan Hospital that evening sitting up in bed, feeling not a bother.

I do remember noticing in the Mater that all the other patients were men and they seemed old. But women obviously do have heart attacks. We are so busy running around taking care of the family that we don’t think it could happen to us.

I am on 10 tablets a day now. I bruise like a prune. I had the heart attack on December 4th, 2009, and I am still not back at work. It seems like a long time to me. I am really looking forward to getting back now. I have been doing cardiac rehab, but I finished that last week. I went three times a week for one hour. You do exercises but you are attached to a monitor all the time.

My confidence has taken a knock. To be honest, you do worry about having another heart attack and that can lead to panic attacks. I have gone to hospital three times thinking I was having a heart attack but they diplomatically explained to me that it was an anxiety attack.

A few days after I was discharged I was shopping in Mullingar with John and I started to feel unwell. He told me I seemed pale and I thought I was going to pass out, so we went to the hospital in Mullingar, but they told me it was an anxiety attack. Everytime you have a sick stomach, you think, “Is it happening again?”

You can’t help it but you can laugh sometimes. One day I brought the children to school and I was driving home when I got a funny feeling in my stomach. I was very scared. I pulled in and decided I would stop the next car that came along and explain that I was having a heart attack and did not want to be on my own. But the next car that came along was driven by Tommy Mullen, the local undertaker, and I said to myself, “Keep going Tommy – if I don’t see you it is not happening”.

You do eventually know the difference between a heart attack and a panic attack, but my view is that if you are worried, you should go straight to the doctor. That is what they are there for.

I do know now that I am high risk and I have changed my lifestyle. I smoked 15 cigarettes a day and I had been smoking for 36 years. One of the things I have learned is that a heart attack does not just happen. They told me that it can be building up from the time you are in your mid- to late-20s.

I think there were a lot of contributing factors in my case. There is a family history. My mother had heart problems for years. She had a bypass operation. And Daddy dropped dead on the floor 15 years ago when he was only 56. He had heart disease. He was what they call a fat man in a thin body, but in those days people were not so aware of cholesterol or other risks. He was actually going out to light a cigarette when he dropped dead.

I don’t think my diet was too bad. I am not a chips person and my children actually like vegetables, so we would eat a lot of veg. I like a glass of wine but they are trying to convince me to change from white to red. I hate red. I try to have brown bread now instead of white. I am more aware now of what is good for me.

My attitude is everything in moderation. But because I am not working I eat out of boredom.

I don’t know why but I never dreamt that this would happen to me. I always prided myself on never being out sick. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if John did not tell Orla to call an ambulance immediately. And I do worry about the plans for Navan Hospital and wonder if I had to go to Drogheda or Blanchardstown would I have made it.

They told me that those clots were racing towards my heart. And I think about what would have happened if I had pushed myself more that morning and tried to get the kids to school and had a heart attack in the car. Or if I had it on the bus on the way to work in Dublin. That would have been horrible. Nobody wants to die on their own.

I remember flashes of that day. I remember John crying – I only saw him cry once before.

I remember lying in the hospital thinking, if anything happens to me, they won’t have any turkey for Christmas because none of them will think of ordering it.

I do not sleep very well now, but I don’t like taking sleeping tablets. You feel so happy and grateful to be able to open your eyes in the morning.

Prof Sugrue has told me that it’s time to get on with my life and start living, and that is good advice. I saw him last June and I don’t have to see him again until January.

I know I was very, very lucky. I was in the right place at the right time.

In conversation with Marese McDonagh