US fans buy a dog's licence

It is only through attending an event like the Andersen Consulting Matchplay here at La Costa that one can fully appreciate why crowd problems arise at the Ryder Cup. The fact is, most of the US spectators have only a sketchy idea of what's going on.

And they are unlikely to gain much enlightenment from certain of their newspapers around these parts. For instance, yesterday's USA Today informed readers Ernie Els beat Bernhard Langer by "2 and 1 (20 holes)" and that Miguel Angel Jimenez beat Brent Geiberger "1-up (19 holes)".

The sports columnists were even less helpful, not least for their patronising and dramatic manner. For instance, Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union- Tribune started by describing matchplay as "Sudden-death golf". So what happens on the 19th?

"Every day you go out there with clubs, a blindfold and a cigarette. I'm surprised the organisers . . . don't consult with the golfers beforehand and ask them: `What would you like for your last meal?' In some cases, crow is appropriate. Or just plain dust."

Then there was Todd Behrendt from the North County Times. He informed his readers: "If this was any other tournament, Padraig Harrington and Stuart Appleby would be congratulating themselves on a solid opening round and preparing to make a move on the weekend.

"But . . . the only thing Harrington and Appleby are preparing for is a long flight home. It's part of the folly of this format. You can shoot a round which would have you in competition at a medalplay event and still be eliminated."

But to the credit of my fellow scribes, Steve Scholfield of the same paper made a timely plea for sanity from the fans at La Costa. "After the horrible showing by American sports fans during the Ryder Cup . . . it is time for Americans to start showing visitors from the rest of the world we aren't a bunch of animals."

Meanwhile, television and radio commentators were even more forceful in their attempts at explaining this apparent golfing phenomenon. And for the ABC network, Curtis Strange, America's Ryder Cup captain for 2001, made some profound observations on the subject to a suitably impressed side-kick.

Then along came Peter Alliss to cut through the waffle with some typically pithy comments. "Matchplay," he declared, "is the heart of the game.

All of which was a bit too airyfairy for the ABC anchorman, who saw on his monitor that Tiger Woods was experiencing some problems in his second-round match against Retief Goosen. How did Alliss see this one working out? "Oh," replied the pride of the BBC, "Woods could shoot 72 and get stuffed."

Now that's the sort of matchplay language we Europeans understand.