Lens shows the Irish coming up short

So, that's Ireland's rugby World Cup over for another four years . . . unless, of course, it is discovered that Argentinian winger Diego Albanese's barge board was missing a 10mm part, thus illegally increasing his aerodynamic efficiency as he crossed Ireland's try line in the dying moments in Lens on Wednesday night.

Don't rule out the possibility because, as we discovered last Sunday, what you see isn't always what you get in the wacky world of sport. Those of us who watched the Malaysian Grand Prix that morning could have sworn we saw Eddie Irvine win the race, fair and square, ahead of his partner Michael Schumacher, who was busy doing an impression of a Sunday driver, zig-zagging across the track at 14 m.p.h. in front of a tearful, cursing Mika Hakkinen.

And we were busy pondering just how Eddie's fragile ego would cope with the dizzy possibility of him winning the drivers' championship in the final race in Japan when the barge board story exploded before our very ears. By then we were left to muse on who exactly had the happy task of ringing the already-holidaying Eddie on his mobile to break the bad news about his barge board. "You know the way you thought you had won the Lotto? Well. . . how do I put this . . . not only did none of your six numbers actually come up your ticket was actually invalid," would have been the gist of the cheerful message.

Those of you who have followed events in the strange world of Formula One the past week will have learnt that barge boards (or deflector panels) are "aerodynamic aids which channel air to the side and rear of a car to help the cooling process of the engine and improve stability".

Those of you who haven't followed events in the strange world of Formula One the past week will wonder what barge boards have to do with sport. Good question. No answer. But how Warren Gatland must have wished his men had such devices fitted before Wednesday night's game. To the uninitiated it appeared that overheated engines had cut off the supply of imagination and creativity to the brains of most of the vehicles wearing green on that Lens pitch, but we uninitiated could be entirely wrong. Maybe Argentina just deserved to win.

Back on the track, this barge board business serves merely to give further ammunition to those who argue that Formula One coverage belongs in the motoring pages of newspapers, and not the sports' sections, because they reckon it's really a competition between cars - the men drivers being entirely incidental.

Today we find out if the barge board scandal will deny Irvine his Malaysian points, when the FIA announce their verdict on Ferrari's appeal. If they give him his points back McLaren will very probably launch a "but rules are rules" counter-appeal so, unlike Hill's Jordan, this one could run and run.

Either way, we can rest easy: Formula One, being an entirely ethical, above-board, wouldn't-dream-of-getting-up-to-no-good sport will do the right thing. And if the rules have to be bent a tad to ensure that the viewing public could be bothered tuning in to the Japanese Grand Prix then they'll be bent, a tad.

In the midst of all this sporting madness at least some degree of sanity was restored earlier this week when Muhammad Ali confirmed that he was only jesting when he told Newsweek magazine that he would be returning to the ring, aged 57.

Don't know about you but for me the initial story that Ali would do an exhibition in Madison Square Garden with two or three contenders - "I'll dance for 15 rounds, and whup 'em," he said in the interview - seemed to signal the end of civilisation as we know it.

On Monday's BBC news a spokeswoman for the British Parkinson's Disease Association welcomed the news and hailed Ali, also afflicted with the disease, as a wonderful role model for fellow sufferers.

"Is it just me or has the world gone stark, raving mad," I wondered.

"Sorry, folks, not this time," said Ali in a statement Monday. "It was just me being me, but it is exciting that I can still get this kind of response from the press and public with the prospect of my returning to the ring."

Exciting? Oooh Ali, don't even think about it, leave us with our memories of you at your glorious, majestic best - and leave Formula One (which, these days, appears to float like a bee and sting like a butterfly) to serve up all the sporting madness we need. One thing's for sure, you never needed a barge board to increase your aerodynamic efficiency.