The weekend’s revelation that a member of the Oireachtas has allegedly been recruited as a Russian secret agent is no laughing matter.
This shocking turn of events was greeted with the utmost gravity by TDs and senators upon their return to Leinster House on Tuesday. Some were so shaken by the news they took to hailing colleagues in the corridors as “comrade” while others were seen whispering extravagantly into their shirt cuffs in the vicinity of the chamber.
Labour’s Duncan Smith was at pains to point out the seriousness of this turn of events to an indifferent Dáil.
The story has been “scoffed and laughed at and dismissed by many since, but this is a matter of the utmost importance and seriousness” said the Labour TD for Dublin Fingal, alarmed by the seeming lack of response from Oireachtas authorities.
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“Hear, hear” cried his party leader, Ivana Bacik, removing a shoe in solidarity and holding the heel to her ear while shouting “Hello Boris? Boris? Come in Boris!”
Sorry, we’re mixing her up with somebody else who was also taking the matter very seriously, in another part of the building, earlier on.
People deal with trauma in different ways.
Labour politicians were clearly very exercised by the matter.
Over in the Seanad, Marie Sherlock shared their concern. The reports are being “treated with a degree of bemusement and it should not be because it is deadly serious and it casts a cloud over us all”.
Marie also wanted to know what the Government, along with the Cathaoirleach of the Upper House and the Ceann Comhairle, are planning to do to investigate this issue.
Back in the Dáil, Taoiseach Simon Harris never addressed Duncan’s question about the Russian problem, despite Ivana pushing for an answer. She called out to the chair: “On the point raised by Deputy Smith concerning the very serious revelation about the Oireachtas member who it appears is in the pay of Russia…”
“Sorry,” replied the Ceann Comhairle, moving rapidly on. “We can only have one contribution from each party.”
To be fair to the Taoiseach, he couldn’t have been expected to answer as he is already half-demented and possibly on the way to full-blown bonkers.
The more the Opposition criticises aspects of his Coalition’s pre-election, re-election bonanza, the more the Taoiseach asks them to spell out which particular giveaway measure they want to stop
Don’t take our word for it. It was Mattie McGrath who conveyed this startling news to the Dáil, triumphantly proving the old adage that it takes one to know one.
The leader of the Rural Independents has had enough of the general election speculation.
“Look, Ceann Comhairle,” he said, sighing heavily. “I don’t know what’s going on with the Taoiseach but he has the media driven demented, he has the people driven demented, he’s us driven demented and I think he is becoming demented himself.”
“That’s two-way street,” remarked Fianna Fáil’s Niall Collins.
“It’s time now to stop all the tricks – the snakes and ladders – and have a bit of cop-on and respect for the people, as well as this House. Call the election. Let the dog see the rabbit,” urged Mattie.
For the moment, Simon Harris wants the dog to see the budget. The more the Opposition criticises aspects of his Coalition’s pre-election, re-election bonanza, the more the Taoiseach asks them to spell out which particular giveaway measure they want to stop.
He didn’t want to entertain protests from members of People Before Profit, among others, about his imminent dash to Dublin Airport to catch a flight to Washington for a meeting with Joe Biden.
They were particularly irked by the Taoiseach’s request to hold Leaders’ Questions an hour earlier so he would have time for his Dáil close-up before rushing away.
If he had any guts, said Mick Barry and Richard Boyd Barrett, he should blank Biden until America stops supplying weapons to Israel which kill thousands of innocent children in Gaza and beyond.
Simon said he could have sent in sub to stand in for him but he wanted to there. “I take my duties in this House seriously.”
He won’t do a secret flit to the Áras so when the time comes to announce the election.
Meanwhile, the Seanad seemed much more interested in establishing the identity of “Agent Cobalt” who was tantalisingly partially unveiled by the Sunday Times last week.
Cathaoirleach Jerry Buttimer was a bit windy with mentions of this character during the order of business.
“No member of any House has been publicly identified, let alone charged with any offence in relation to any allegation. It is just a media story,” he cautioned Marie Sherlock.
“I absolutely appreciate that but it casts a cloud over us all” she replied, even if many in Leinster were not labouring under it.
“It needs to be clarified whether there is an elected representative acting as a Russian spy or otherwise.”
Jerry appreciated that too, lest she think he was being unfair to her. “You’re thoroughly right to express your concerns.”
Apparently this individual is somebody with a big ego and susceptible to flattery. Which leaves the field wide open
His predecessor in the chair, Fianna Fáil’s Mark Daly, was also very concerned. “By any measure, if you are not working for this State and you’re acting secretly for another state, then you are a traitor to this one and it is beholden on this House to figure out [who it is].”
The Cathaoirleach got the cobbywobbles again, urging Mark not to identify anyone. (Although the rumours were flying around Leinster House even faster than the ones about a general election date.)
“No, no, I’m not identifying them, I’m just saying they’re a traitor. That’s all I’m saying, like,” said the Kerry-based senator. “If you are working for somebody else and you should be working for us, well, if they would like me to repeat that allegation, if they are identified outside the door [of the Seanad], I will repeat it to their face.”
He wants the security forces to bring this person to account “and face justice for what they are continuing to do as of this day”.
Does Daly know something we don’t know?
Buttimer reminded him that nobody has been identified from either the Dáil or Seanad “so bí cúramach about naming them”.
Fianna Fáil’s Malcolm Byrne agreed it is extremely serious if there is “somebody who is compromised” in the Oireachtas. However, he noted that there are some politicians around the Houses who may not be compromised but “indeed are puppets for Putin and will quite clearly voice his talking points on a regular basis”.
This is all very 007.
Although if everyone who was ever in a compromising position in the Oireachtas had to identify themselves the confessions might take a very long time.
No wonder everyone is demented. And that was before an irony-free Danny Healy-Rae embarked on budget slamming tour de incoherence in the Dáil, bellowing about the hardships visited on the business people of Kerry, particularly by migrants and “Ukraines” nabbing all the accommodation.
“You’re talking shite,” said Sinn Féin’s Aengus Ó Snodaigh.
In the Seanad, the Cathaoirleach hopes the Minister for Foreign Affairs can come in with any information he might have on Kildare Street’s resident Russian spook.
Apparently this individual is somebody with a big ego and susceptible to flattery. Which leaves the field wide open.
As one sceptical deputy remarked of a name figuring on many shortlists: “If yer man is a Russian spy, I’m damn sure he would have told us already ... at very great length.”
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