Any woman who has ever spent time on a dating app is bleakly familiar with profiles that include phrases such as ‘swipe right for kinky’, ‘just looking for fun’ or ‘no drama’ in their bios.
According to online-dating decoder Aileen Barratt, who runs the @TinderTranslators Instagram page, these stock phrases show not just a lack of imagination but can operate as massive red flags.
“A lot of these guys don’t see women as full human beings, they see us as bodies.” she says, citing some men’s online behaviour such as “digital flashing”, gaslighting or graphic sexual advances.
This kind of behaviour is more widespread online because of the relative anonymity that is afforded to users, she maintains: “It’s much easier to reveal your inner misogynist on a dating app.”
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In her new book Tinder Translator: An A - Z of Modern Misogyny, Barratt translates many phrases that crop up on the apps so women can avoid wasting time with certain men.
She says phrases that are used by some men in their online dating bios - ‘no single mums’ or ‘lone wolf’ - can give useful clues to the kind of person lurking behind the profile.
Take for example the seemingly innocent phrase, ‘just ask’ which often features in the dating profiles of men. Barratt explains this half-hearted attempt at writing a bio is “worse than writing nothing” and puts the onus on the other person to make all the effort.
“If you can’t even be bothered to write one interesting thing about yourself, why am I going to put any effort in?” she says.
However, not to turn listeners off the modern dating scene entirely, she says when starting to use the apps “go on there with a sense of what it is you want and then engage with people who want the same thing as you”.
“‘If someone is making me uncomfortable, I’m not going to talk to them anymore,” she continues.
“You don’t owe these people anything”.
You can listen back to the full conversation in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
