Sir, - "I wandered lonely in a crowd" is the headline to a piece by your columnist Louise East (Weekend, September 25th). She touches sensitively and with humour a subject close to the painful centre of so many lives.
Louise has the courage to say she has been lonely. That's hard to admit to. Since the death last year of my dearly loved husband I have experienced real loneliness for the first time in my life. I have had intimations of its pain before this. But now I am learning for real. Not having one's long-time companion to come home to is the worst pain I've known.
As Louise writes, "Loneliness is often just the absence of somebody to tell about all those minor details of the day" - someone who will give you a hug and share a comforting and companionable night-cap. It is not that family and friends are not rooting for you; more that there is an absence of the on-going companionship which we barely notice when it is there. That silly shared giggle. . .
Having said that, it is important to shake off the "Dreary Dora" image and begin with little steps to re-invent myself. Nostalgia must not be allowed to destroy the present. I am still here, so I am determined to say, "Farewell and thank-you" to the past. That's difficult; I founder and flounder. And that's natural too. But new dawns come and I start planning anew. There are still things I have to do, people I'd love to meet and faith to grow into. I want to learn. I want to learn about the "charms" they tell me can be found in solitude.
I think that it is important to be able to share our loneliness. It is not pain to be hidden and endured in secret. It is part of the experience of being human. I want to take it gently and prudently. I'm not seeking a plethora of distractions but simply a new and deeper way of being me in the "now". Yes, Louise, I understand what you are staying and I'm glad that you had the courage to say it. Thank you. - Yours, etc.,
Angela MacNamara, The Old Farm, Lower Kilmacud Road, Dublin 14.