THE LAST STRAW: When the idea was first mentioned, the "Paris Beach Project" sounded a bit like a low-budget horror movie, in which a group of American students with a hand-held camera tramp aimlessly around the bleak suburbs of the French capital looking for the seaside, tragically unaware that the city is inland, writes Frank McNally.
But inevitably, when the "beach" was unveiled this week on the Right Bank of the Seine, it was a Gallic triumph. With obvious exceptions, such as meat, the French do almost everything well, and this was no exception. Although the feature is only temporary, no expense was spared. With everything from mobile palm trees to 130 beach umbrellas, not to mention a fake cliff for abseiling, a city motorway has been magically transformed into a stretch of the Mediterranean.
I got a little nervous, however, when an Irish visitor told our Paris correspondent the project should encourage Dublin to experiment. Not that we in Ireland don't have a talent for geographical surrealism. As we know, the concept of Dublin-based savings accounts magically transformed into offshore deposits was well established long before Paris had a coastline. And to those who say that, unlike the French capital, Dublin doesn't have the "Right Bank," I would say: you obviously never met Des Traynor.
Indeed, some readers may recall another encouraging precedent from a famous by-election in the 1980s. The "Ray Burke Tree Project" as it became known, involved the planting of mobile saplings in a west Dublin estate, magically transforming the area into a mature, leafy suburb. No expense was spared, even though that too was a temporary feature (the trees were returned to the garden centre immediately after polling day). Former minister Burke was a man ahead of his time, in ways.
More recently, proof that Dublin does not lack creativity has come in the form of amphibious tour buses. When these first appeared on the streets, I thought they were a belated concession to the realities of the weather. In fact, bad as Irish summers are, the concept of buses that converted into boats at short notice seemed, if anything, a bit drastic.
For a while, I completely missed the point of these boat-shaped vehicles full of tourists dressed as Vikings,encouraged to roar at Dubliners. The point being that the tours include a water-borne trip around the docks, during which the bus becomes a "long-ship".
Which is an excellent idea, even if, in the light of recent reports about prices, it has taken on unintended symbolism for the tourism industry as a whole. This is Irish history with a surprise ending: we encourage visitors to pretend to be Vikings and "invade" us; but this time we get to do the pillaging.
So it's not that we don't have the imagination for something like the Paris Beach Project. It's just that Dublin has its work cut out to look like Paris without the beach, and maybe we should take things one step at a time. Before playing with reality, like the French, it might be a good idea to improve it. It would be nice if we could recreate the Tuileries Gardens in Dublin, for example, and gradually build on that (I don't mean build on it, literally; although we probably would).
The Paris beach is part of a plan to "reclaim" the streets from traffic, and certainly, this is something Dublin could copy.
But before embarking on any expensive projects, especially along the quays, we should also remember the contrasting crime profiles of the two cities. It's sobering to recall that last year, as you read in this column, a 27-metre section of the Liffey wall was stolen by thieves.
The Liffey wall has been one of Dublin Corporation's more successful projects, although until then it was generally regarded as a permanent feature. It would be good if the corporation could "reclaim" the missing blocks, as a confidence-building measure, before making an attempt on the streets.
Also, I don't know what the security features are in Paris. But I would fear for the fate of 130 beach umbrellas if they were left on Custom House Quay overnight. My guess is they'd be in Henry Street the following morning, on sale to rain-sodden tourists with Viking hats.
A Dublin street project would also be up against Ireland's soaring insurance costs, which according to reports, are threatening the future of Fossett's Circus. Time was when overheads in the Big Top were where the trapeze artists operated (hopefully); but with a 140 per cent increase in premiums this year, one of Ireland's oldest circus troupes says it may soon have to consider its future. This is a factor any street project would have to consider too. With the Irish fondness for personal-injury litigation, the fake cliff would be a non-starter, for one.