CASE HISTORY: 'It's a thief that steals your life'

William (not his real name) is in his 40s and is self-employed

William (not his real name) is in his 40s and is self-employed. Prior to developing an unhealthy relationship with the internet five years ago, he was in recovery from sexual addiction with which he'd struggled for 15 years.

He has been in treatment for addiction to internet pornography for a year:

"Five years ago, I'd started to get my life together and got a computer for work. The internet was well under way by then. I'd no intentions whatsoever of getting caught up in this. It was the farthest thing from my mind. I was concentrating on my recovery from sexual addiction and was actively involved in a 12-step programme.

"All it took was one 'hit' and I was caught - hook, line and sinker. I soon discovered the internet is a bottomless pit. It was the most powerful thing ever to have come into my life. A lot of my friends with addictions were finding the same problem with the internet.

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"What was most terrifying for me was the dark side of pornography. The content on the internet is the darkest stuff you can imagine. So dark, your worst nightmares couldn't compare. It's as dark and low a path as it is possible for a human being to go, in terms of pornography and the most extreme types of sexual deviation. I knew that if I stayed there for long enough, it was only a matter of time before I went down the same road.

"The only thing that saved me from going to 'hell' was the fact that I didn't have a credit card. That gave me a bit of breathing space to see where I was heading, and try to find some help. It's difficult to find the right therapist because internet pornography addiction is a new phenomenon.

"I hit rock bottom when I was still married. My wife didn't find out until the end. I had it all you know; a lovely wife, lovely kids and a lovely home. I lost it all. I was completely emotionally absent by then - a prisoner in my own head. I was no match for the makers of these websites. These people are so clever. They know exactly how to seduce people, and supply the right images to lead them further into the darker sites to get them 'hooked'.

"The problem is so much of this material is free on the internet. There's more than enough free stuff to draw a person in before they ever turn to paying for it. Before they realise, it's too late to turn back. It's all so secretive. Addiction thrives on secrecy, which is why I believe this has to be one of the worst forms.

"The internet cuts out all the embarrassment and fantasy takes over from reality. I might plan to go on the internet for five minutes, which turns into 10 minutes. Before you know, 10 minutes turns into 10 hours.

"You don't get too much work done I can tell you that. It takes you away from everything and everybody - family, friends and colleagues. You're disgusted with yourself. You're always agitated and angry. The intense mood swings make it hard for people to be around you.

"It's an all-consuming 'thief' that steals your life. I missed seeing my children grow up; presents at Christmas; picnics in the summer. That's all gone.

"If anyone reading this thinks they've got a problem, don't try to 'con' themselves that they're going to sort this out themselves. They can't. They need professional help."

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