The news that the Taoiseach is to become a grandfather has sparked a debate about the role of grandparents, writes Kate Holmquist
So Bertie Ahern is about to become a grandfather. When news came out last week that his daughter Georgina and her husband Nicky Byrne were expecting their first child, his joy was obvious. We really have a soft spot for the grandparent-grandchild relationship.
The Taoiseach "doesn't know what's going to hit him," says Kathleen Watkins, who with her husband, Gay Byrne, is enjoying grandparenthood to the full. The couple have a nursery upstairs for their three young grandchildren, with the same furniture their daughters Susie and Crona used as babies. The stairs feature a line of teddies - Susie's and Crona's as well as the grandchildren's.
Grandad Gay reads Beatrix Potter to his grandchildren while they sit on his lap and "Nanna Kit," as Kathleen Watkins's grandchildren call her, sings Your Tiny Hand is Frozen to two-year-old Cian and his little sister, Saidbh.
Watkins often picks up Kate from the creche on a Friday and brings her to stay. "From time to time I meet grandparents who are not that involved, but for me it's a major involvement. I can't imagine not being involved with these beautiful children!"
SENATOR MARY O'ROURKE has five grandchildren. "I just revel in their unquestioning love. They're so smitten by me and I'm so smitten by them," she says. Jennifer (four) and Sam (18 months) live in Dublin, while Luke (three), Sarah (two) and James (three months) have recently moved from Dublin to live near O'Rourke in Athlone. "I'm so joyful that my son, Aengus, his wife Lisa and their children have come back to live in Athlone. I'm more cheerful and upbeat. Since my husband [ Enda] died, I've been living alone. Now, at the weekends, I see them two or three times. "Aengus comes in on a Saturday evening with the older two and they run up and down and jump on the couch and the pillows. I'd been planning to get a new couch, but I'm not changing it now. It's marvellous. They can jump wherever they want to. I'm so fond of them . . . my only great regret is that Enda hasn't seen them. But I have Enda's photo on the fridge door and I tell my grandchildren, 'that's Enda and Enda's gone to heaven'."
Grandmothers get all the benefits of motherhood without the hassle, says O'Rourke. "As a mother you are harassed, always rushing. As grandmother you can indulge and enjoy them."
O'Rourke became a grandmother at 65, but Liz McManus, Labour party TD and grandmother of three - Steven (five), Sarah (10) and Ben (16) - was just 43 when she became a grandmother. She says: "Grandchildren make you feel young, even if you are exhausted. And since I became a grandmother, my fear of death is greatly reduced. I'm now sanguine about the idea of death because, in a way, the line is set. While having children grounds you, having grandchildren reassures you that the genes go on regardless."
McManus notices among her generation of potential grandparents "an ache" for grandchildren that isn't being fulfilled, now that children are leaving it until their 30s to procreate.
"I can see that people my age with no grandchildren are quite wistful," she says.
She sees her grandchildren every second weekend when they stay. "The difference between being a mother and a grandmother is you can hand them back. Someone else has responsibility for them. One of the lessons you have to learn is to back off. You don't have a right to interfere. You have to be very laid back."
That's the right attitude, says Dr Pat Dolan, director of the Centre for Child and Family Research at NUI Galway. Good grandparents nurture and mentor grandchildren, but don't crowd the parents.
Authoritarian grandparents can cause tension and ultimately become estranged from the parents and grandchildren, he warns.
Elders are traditionally regarded with respect, which makes grandparents the ideal people to pass on moral values in a low-key way, he adds. As children become teenagers, they may confide in grandparents more than their parents because the relationship is more relaxed. Grandchildren can benefit enormously by caring for grandparents who have become disabled or infirm (like one-third of grandparents, according to an Age Action survey).
Doing the shopping for a grandparent or spending time with them can give a teenager a sense of what life is about and of what's ahead, says Dolan. "Seeing grandparents getting old and dying has an important role in teaching children the cycle of life."