Falling for the fairytale

Weddings are now back in fashion - high fashion. Think carriages, tiaras and Barbie-doll perfection. Why do otherwise rational women get into such a frenzy, asks Finola Meredith.

In 1970, Germaine Greer denounced the institution of marriage as the end of liberty and independence for women. "If women are to have a significant amelioration in their condition, it seems obvious that they must refuse to marry," she stormed. More than 30 years later, the girls still aren't listening. They're too busy agonising over the perfect tiara, and making doubly (no, make that trebly) sure that the sugared almonds match the colour of the bridesmaids' dresses.

Recent statistics show the marriage rate in Ireland has increased from 17,838 marriages in 1990 to 20,047 in 2002. And although there has been a longterm decline in the popularity of marriage in the UK, the latest statistics show that 291,800 couples tied the knot in 2002, 2 per cent more than the previous year.

It's no secret that marriage benefits men more than women, both psychologically and physically. Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, observes that married men "sleep more, eat better, don't drink as much and don't drink-and-drive as much" as their single counterparts. And three times as many divorced as married men report drinking in excess of 50 units of alcohol per week, which is two-and-half times the recommended levels, according to One Plus One, the marriage and partnership research organisation.

The advantages for women are less clear. After all, marriage is an anachronism, a hoary old relic of patriarchy in which the passive virgin bride is ceremonially transferred from her father's to her husband's care. Historically, it's an institution designed to control and domesticate women, who, since the dawn of Western civilisation, were considered biologically, spiritually and morally defective. The ancient Greeks considered marriage absolutely essential to ensure that unruly, lascivious women didn't run amok, bringing down the fabric of society with them. (In the words of Euripides's Hippolytos: "women are a huge natural calamity, against which men must take strenuous measures!". Bless his baldy head.) And the Judaeo-Christian tradition has done its own share of peddling the doctrine of "loving subjection" (you know, the idea that women need that extra bit of external governance, handily provided by their hubbies).

Despite the iniquitous history of marriage, an increasing number of women are choosing to tie the knot. And more of them are going for the full Princess Barbie package: tiaras, horse-drawn carriages and all. Why is the prospect of signing up to this staid socio-economic contract, endorsed by church and State, guaranteed to send even the most rational women into a frenzy of desire for lace, tulle and exquisitely monogrammed napkins?

A flick through the pages of the numerous bridal magazines on sale provides a fascinating insight into the world of the woman on the cusp of marriage. First and foremost, it's all about extravaganza. Inspired by increasingly over-the-top celebrity weddings, today's bride is in hot pursuit of absolute perfection for her Big Day: the perfect venue, the perfect dress, the perfect cake, the perfect bridesmaids. The whole operation requires months, or even years of obsessive research, planning and organisation.

The bride is the fantastic end-product of this prolonged flurry of activity; she is the supreme creation of the wedding machine. Every inch of her body - her skin, her nails, her hair - will receive the most minute and detailed attention. She will be buffed, waxed, polished and rigorously exfoliated before she is meticulously made-up, dressed in the silkiest underwear, swathed in the most opulent dress, shod in the most decadent and desirable shoes.

It has to be said that this thirst for utter perfection frequently exceeds the bounds of good taste. In a survey by the online version of what claims to be "Ireland's sassiest, classiest bridal magazine", Confetti, prospective brides are asked, "Would you consider pubic styling as part of your \ beauty regime?" Options you can choose from include: "red love heart", "temporary tattoo" and "stick-on crystals". And can you even begin to imagine how much it all costs? Conservative estimates put the cost of the average Irish wedding at about €12,000, but anecdotal evidence suggests that the figure is much higher, with many couples prepared to spend upwards of €25,000 on their big day.

So is it this overwhelming desire to assume a fantasy princess alter-ego that motivates women to spend thousands upon thousands on just one day in their lives? I ask several recent brides what drove them to practically bankrupt themselves in pursuit of the ideal wedding day.

"Oh, don't be such a party-pooper!" snaps newlywed Joanne (34). "It's the most important day of your life - if you're not prepared to spend money on making it perfect, what's the point? It's the one day in your life when you know you'll be the most beautiful woman in the room, and that's a priceless experience. Anyway, both of us are in well-paid jobs, we can afford it."

"Marriage was a public statement of our commitment and love for each other," says Christine (29). "I wanted the whole world to know we weren't just shacking up together. So spending a lot on the wedding was a way of showing how serious we both were about this relationship."

"I've dreamed of the perfect fairytale wedding since I was five years old," says Carol (38). "I'd almost given up on the possibility of meeting the right man. Yes, I'd had several serious relationships, but all my partners shied away from making that final commitment. So when Tom proposed, I jumped at the chance. For me, having a spectacular wedding was a kind of personal celebration - I felt like the cat who got the cream!"

Can the people who assist the bride in her pursuit of wedding nirvana provide any insights? Professionals in the rapidly-burgeoning Irish wedding industry are wary of biting the hand that feeds them, but one insider comments, "Both the cost and the stress levels for women planning weddings are enormous. But just because they're spending a fortune, some brides-to-be think they can behave like Naomi Campbell. They're so determined that every last detail has to be totally perfect, they get all stroppy and uppity. It's not enough for them to look like a queen for the day, they have to behave like one too."

It seems that most brides are susceptible to the gooey lure of the chocolate-box wedding, and all the glitz and razzmatazz that comes with it. Inside almost every potential bride is her five-year-old self, desperate to tear the lid off the dressing-up box and get stuck in. And why shouldn't brides indulge these fantasies?

Yet the glittering edifice of the modern wedding day is as fragile as the spun-sugar roses adorning the cake. Its brittle perfection is built on a saccharine discourse of entrenched gender stereotypes (where men and women are translated into "guys" and "girls", where brides-to-be fantasise about "my husband drawing a big heart in the sand and writing our married names in it".

As artificial as a drag-queen, today's über-bride freights her wedding day with an unparalleled level of accumulated desires, hopes and dreams. Above all else, her wedding is a show, a pantomime. The bride herself is both star and director of this hyper-real fantasia, eclipsing all others with her stunning performance. I just hope she remembers her stick-on crystals.