What can, and cannot, be done about romance scams?

Romance scams are almost beyond evil as not only is money stolen, hearts are broken too and sometimes there is nothing that can be done to help.

Pricewatch contacted both the gardaí and Banking and Payments Federation of Ireland (BPFI) to see what — if anything — could be done to help Mary and her family and protect her from herself.

While both were hugely sympathetic to what was going on they stressed that there was very little they could do. The gardaí could not talk about the specifics of an individual case but did point to information about romance scams in general.

A spokeswoman said that the criminals “slowly gain the victim’s trust with a view to eventually asking them for money”.

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She noted that the “extent of the scam is not fully known because many of the victims are too embarrassed to report the fraud to gardaí”.

In the beginning, the amount of money requested will often be small, she said “but increases as the scammer becomes more successful in building the ‘relationship’ and tricking the victim.” She added that the guards work closely with Europol to disrupt the activities of romance scammers, particularly organised crime gangs that engage in this type of criminality.”

And she stressed that gardaí would be willing to talk to this family to see what could be done.

[ She married a man she’d never met, is losing thousands - and no-one can help ]

We also spoke to someone who works in the vulnerable fraud unit of a bank who said such stories were increasingly common and it was very difficult to talk people out of sending money. She said that in her experience, community gardaí speaking directly to the victims could sometimes succeed where family members have failed.

For its part, the BPFI spoke directly with the family involved and offered advice.

In a statement, a spokeswoman said that the “BPFI and our member banks place a high priority on protecting customers against fraud through extensive staff training and using a range of measures such as encryption, continuous fraud monitoring, payment controls and proactive consumer outreach and awareness.

“Furthermore, many of our members work directly with An Garda Síochána in addition to running vulnerable customer programs to combat scams.

“If a consumer insists on proceeding with a payment, despite warnings, banks are obligated by legislation to accommodate their request. Romance scams can be particularly complex, as fraudsters often use online dating sites and apps to gain trust and build up a relationship and emotional connection with their victim. Fraudsters often devote months to this process, after which time they will create a scenario in which they urgently need money and use manipulative and emotive language that persuades the victim to willingly transfer money to the fraudster’s account.”

The spokeswoman said that red flags include conversations on a dating app that quickly moves to direct text messages.

She said that despite weeks or even months of communication, the love interest avoids video calls and meeting up with elaborate excuses.

The conversations focus on you. You are asked all the questions, but you have little personal knowledge about the other person.

An urgent need for money because of an emergency or tragic family story.

It also offered tips to avoid being a victim

Be careful what you share on social media and online dating websites.

Do not reveal your full name or home address. Protect your identity.

Be wary of anyone asking lots of questions about you but not revealing much about themselves.

Use a reputable dating site and use their messaging service. Do not move to social media or texting too quickly.

Never send money or give your bank details to somebody you have never met, no matter how much you believe and trust them.

Do not send money to purchase flights, or Visas or pay customs fees for them to visit you.

Remember individuals can pretend to be anyone they want to be online. You should google an image to see if it comes up on several sites or profiles.

Never provide copies of your personal documents such as passports or driving licenses.

If you think you have fallen victim, contact your bank immediately, the quicker you act the better chance of recouping any lost funds.

If you suspect that you may have been the victim of this type of crime contact your bank and An Garda Síochána straight away.