The hanging question at Tolka Park was why might Vinnie Jones be tempted to cash in his lucrative job as a Hollywood career thug to play football with Carlisle United as a soccer career . . . er . . . man marker.
The sophistry of Carlisle manager Roddy Collins often comes to bear in these matters. Perhaps more pressing was the issue of whether former Shelbourne player Richie Foran would beat Vinny to the first red card of last night's friendly.
Foran, it seems, is behaving as sweetly as the captain of the local schoolgirl's hockey team in Carlisle.
Vinny, the hard outside, soft inside "mutha" of all enforcers had a lot to live up to. From a studs-up career which stretched from the infamous "handball" incident on Paul Gascoigne to his record-breaking assaults on various dubious records, you could pick a number.
Five was the allotment of seconds it took Jones to acquire his fastest red card. A record of course. Twelve was the tally of red cards he accumulated in a rip-roaring career while 20,000 was the number of pounds he was fined by the English Football Association for turning out a genuine football video nasty of how to tackle like a sand wedge. Sparing followers of the beautiful game the complete feature-length version, the Gascoigne crushed testicle incident stayed at just one.
But where was Vinny, or for the Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels fans, where was Big Chris? Not that Carlisle needed him as the visitors toyed for 15 minutes before guest Ger Crossley scored from 10 yards out. A counter punch to be sure and no sign of the former hod carrier.
After 20 minutes a BBC Cumbria television crew were seen scrambling behind the goal at the Dromcondra end. Chasing Vinny, not in retreat.
A frisson of excitement again and one that Seβn Friars matched shortly after when he equalised from the left wing. Was it a shot or was it a cross. Who cares. Shelbourne goalkeeper Steve Williams was left grasping at the stars. One-all on 37 minutes. Tony Hopper thumps Carlisle ahead from outside the box on 41 and Wesley Hoolahan equalises for 2-2.
Halftime and all we could see was Collins, "Showwaddy Roddy", as the programme described him, "a refugee from a bad '70s disco movie" retreating to the dressing-room to give, no doubt, an inimitable team talk.
"Where's Vinny?" we asked. And there he was. Jones for Hopper. Crew cut. Tan. Cameras. Is the face insured? Vinny Jones on the right wing. Love to see that contract.
"Give it to Vincent," screamed a fan. They did. But who wants to see the movie star play ball. Giv' us a tackle Vincent. We watched Davy Byrne put Shels 3-2 ahead, Ray Whelahan make it 4-2 and we watched more.
Saw Vinny on the ball, off the ball, toe poke, dummy, feint.
"If I had a think about it (returning to soccer) I think the wife would hit me over the head with a rolling pin." he said. "It's quite easy getting up at 10 in the morning and learning a few lines. I'll stick to that I think."
It was the 'Nam pilot who won't fly, the gunslinger who carries no side arm. Vinnie Jones, the movie star who won't tackle.
Shelbourne won the game 4-2
