PLANET SOCCER

By MARY HANNIGAN

Quotes of the week

"We had some bad experiences flying with Blackburn. On one occasion one of the lads actually wet himself."

- Derby’s Robbie Savage. Thanks for that.

“I spent the last half hour with the crowd spinning and bits of tongue falling off in my mouth, but such is life as a goalkeeper, you are going to get these whacks.”

- West Ham’s Robert Green reminisces fondly about his recent brush with West Brom’s Jonas Olsson.

“Rangers were dreadful (in the League Cup final). Who is that player Kirk Broadfoot? He should be playing junior football. You’ve got to ask, is that how far Rangers have gone down if he is playing for them?”

- Celtic old boy Paddy Crerand.

“Andrei (Arshavin) is strong physically and psychologically. He likes it in England. And he’s already become one of Chelsea’s leaders . . . what a slip of the tongue! Of course he’s a leader in Arsenal – but he would be doing the same at Chelsea!”

- Guus Hiddink, addled by managing Russia and Chelsea all at the same time.

Anelka doesn't do guilt trips

IT was only last October that a cookery book by the name of Eat for Goals! was launched by the European Commission and Uefa, its purpose to encourage youngsters to eat healthy food. Thirteen well known footballers from around Europe contributed recipes, including Steven Gerrard’s aromatic sea bream, Thierry Henry’s rice cubana, Ruud van Nistelrooy’s salmon grilled with cloves and served with vegetables and, intriguingly, Miroslav Klose’s power omelette.

One player who wasn’t asked to contribute to the book was Nicolas Anelka, which is probably just as well. According to the Sunday People Chelsea’s ‘diet staff’ are a touch perturbed by the French man’s eating habits, not least because of his regular trips to a famed fast food outlet.

“I don’t go there every night – but if I did really fancy a burger I would go and get one,” he said. But, does he not feel a bit on the bloated side after pigging out? “I think a lot of it is in the brain and to do with feeling guilty. I don’t feel guilty and therefore I don’t feel heavy. Even on the eve of a big match, I can have broccoli or a burger. It depends how I feel.”

Surely, though, Anelka would subscribe to the view that a healthy breakfast is the most important meal of the day? “We should all be getting good stuff inside us first thing in the morning,” he said, “but I am a terrible example – it just isn’t a meal I ever bother with.”

We’re getting the feeling that aromatic sea bream, perhaps served with vegetables, is the stuff of Anelka’s nightmares.

More quotes of the week

“Nobody can complain about my commitment. Players are different: it is like the five fingers on the hand – all different, but they shine in different ways.”

- Didier Drogba. Thumbs up.

“Arsene Wenger wrote a nice card and Alex Ferguson said he wanted to see me back in the dug-out soon and told me to back one of his horses at Cheltenham. I did and it came fourth. Thanks Alex.”

- A recuperating Joe Kinnear, down £20.

“I wish to point out that by typing into Google the words ‘stabbed’ and ‘London’ you get 2.85 million pages – 10 times what you get for Rome.”

- The Mayor of Rome, Gianni Alemanno, somewhat dismissing the notion that it would be safer to switch the Champions League final to Wembley.

Never a dull moment with Maradona

WHEN Diego Maradona was appointed manager of Argentina last year the assumption was that there would rarely be a dull moment during his reign. And there hasn’t been, so far. In the last week alone, for example, he’s upset the entire population of Brazil – not, admittedly, for the first time – and has offered his support to those voices in Argentina calling for the reinstatement of the death penalty. Like you do.

The feud with Pele, of course, has been rumbling for many a long year, and was sparked back into life last week when the Brazilian suggested that Maradona was a poor role model for young footballers. “What do you want me to say,” Maradona responded, “he debuted with a lad. I don’t know if that’s a good example or a bad one.”

This wasn’t the first time that Maradona claimed Pele’s first romantic liason was with a chap. “With friends like Pele, who needs enemies,” he beamed after Argentina beat Venezuela 4-0 on Saturday. Mind you, he is not exactly universally loved in Argentina either. Commenting on Maradona’s decision to drop Juan Riquelme from the squad, former international Jose Sanfilippo described the manager as a “laxative”. “He turns my stomach to liquid and makes me go. He is nothing,” he said.

“When I first went there (to Newcastle), just after Mike Ashley had bought it, he turned up in the boardroom in a pair of jeans, a pair of trainers and a replica shirt. Immediately he did that, the club’s gone. You don’t do things like that in football. He’s got no class whatsoever.”

Even more quotes of the week

- Wigan chairman Dave Whelan suggesting his Newcastle counterpart doesn’t quite dress for success.

“I’ve spoken with Ji-Sung Park at Manchester United and while he’s told me it won’t be easy playing here, we’ve got two legs like everyone else so we have a chance.”

- Wigan’s new South Korean signing, the two-footed Won Hee Cho.

“Ideally, you do not want to play an English team because it is not really Europe.”

- Eurosceptic Arsene Wenger on avoiding English opposition in the Champions League draw.