Memories of the bad old days

It has long been a tradition on the European Tour for caddies to have access to the clubhouse. Before it depended on the host golf club to decide if the caddies were let loose in the inner sanctum of clubhouse or not. Normally the porter was left lurking outside. We didn't know any better than to wait like dogs for our master to come and retrieve us from our loyal waiting position.

Thankfully the caddies circumstances in Europe have improved in recent years. This is due to some persuading from caddies and their representatives and compromise on behalf of the PGA and tournament organisers.

Bearing in mind that many of the modern load luggers are members of golf clubs, they like others are aware of how to behave in a clubhouse. We arrived in a balmy Cologne last week for the German Masters with temperatures in the mid-twenties until the weekend, it was an unusually warm welcome to an event that has been remembered more for its inhospitable weather. The accommodating temperature was a stark contrast to the Gut Larchenhof golf club's courtesy to foreign caddies.

Tuesday is the usual arrival day for players and caddies. We seemed to have full access to the clubhouse and facilities that day. A specially appointed liaison person informed us that there would be a special catering area for the caddies starting from Thursday morning. Indeed a big blue sign "Caddie Lounge" in the car-park got most of the porters' attention. "Perhaps they are finally going to look after us at the German Masters for a change" many mused while waiting the arrival of our players.

The reality of the caddie liaison person became clear early on Thursday morning as the security guards (in gruff and uncompromising Germanic fashion) were vehemently denying entry to any caddie to the clubhouse or locker room. The liaison person was nowhere to be seen of course and the chairman of the caddies association was left to remonstrate with the PGA at 7 a.m. "If you want my colleagues to wear your bibs in an hour's time on the first tee you had better do something about the lack of facilities for us around here", our "caddie daddie" was heard hissing at the Tournament Director through the gloom of a damp bagroom. The "Caddie Lounge" (which, if it was a step further from the clubhouse would have been in the next postal district) was closed and finally opened at about 8 a.m, which was too late for most morning starters to take breakfast before the first round.

As the industrial effluent rose from the nearby Bayer pharmaceutical chimneys, the caddies faced a throwback to the dark ages. The club President Dr. Klasmeyer and his accomplice Erwin Langer (tournament organiser) decided that the 2000 German Masters was going to put those caddies in their place and revert to the low life treatment of former decades. "Vorsprung durch Technik" was being muttered around the car-park, "Ahead by design but behind by years".

After a rain delay last year the President had spotted a couple of napping caddies in the clubhouse which of course is not normal behaviour for people in such an environment. If you are willing to host a tournament Dr Klasmeyer a certain amount of flexibility is required. After all, putting a very average golf course on the map involves not just financial compromise.

Banished from any solid shelter, the caddies were congregating outside the pro shop beside the clubhouse entrance. On a bench the pro had decided to display his golf bags, more an attempt to keep the caddies from gathering there than a marketing ploy. One of our more outspoken brethren took great offence to having this final act of humility bestowed upon him and he was spotted by the pro removing one of the displayed bags from the exhibit.

The pro objected, but not as vociferously as our established porter. "This is not a display case this is a bench" he growled at the pro. "A bench is not for bags it is for bums" the pun of course went slightly beyond the German pro's understanding of English, but guffaws of laughter from the surrounding caddies betrayed the dual sense of the offended caddie's statement. "When are you going to start treating these people like human beings?

While the bags were humbly removed from the bench and replaced with caddies, an urgent meeting was held by the President, Erwin Langer, his brother Bernhard and the Tournament Director. The upshot was that a notice was posted (in the clubhouse) with the message that we (the caddies) would be allowed back into the locker room, through the back door. "Any breach of code of behaviour will result in the removal of this privilege". What has been considered regular practice more for the practicality of carrying out our duties as professional caddies in the year 2000, was now being referred to as a benefit.

Of course as feelings rose it didn't take long for the War to be hauled in to the delicate proceedings. Notices were posted in jest in the bagroom to the effect that after a lengthy meeting caddies were to be allowed use the toilet paper in the locker room. Any breach of conduct with the said paper would result in the removal of this privilege.

The organisers were hoping for a relatively caddie free event with the porters tunnelling their way to their work place, thus avoiding almost any exposure of caddies at all. The "Caddie Lounge" was unofficially boycotted by the porters. This was more a matter of convenience than a display of protest. After the word got back that they were serving "a bowl of dregs" for lunch at the caddie lounge it was not too difficult for the bagmen to give this eatery a wide berth. Erwin Langer had assured the caddies that an excellent caterer had been selected for the prestigious task of feeding the caddies. "Stalag 17 was their last big catering job" joked some.

The money was good at the German Masters, the sweetner at an otherwise hostile tournament for the toter.