Hats off to the Mid Western Health Board for lateral thinking, writes Kathy Sheridan. Got an obesity problem in Ennis? Simple. Ban McDonald's.
The fact that the town already hosts nine separate fast food outlets - including Dominos Pizzas - must have eluded them. But the problem, apparently, is the McDonald's product and the way it's advertised. Well, if advertising is the problem, the board has only to tune into any Simpsons episode (along with a few hundred thousand children) to get wraparound urgings to order up a Dominos. Nonetheless, the pizza chain continues to survive and thrive in Ennis.
I have a soft spot for McDonald's. My girls were small at a time when Irish society deemed that children were a nuisance and their mothers should keep taking the tablets. Then Fergal Quinn opened creches in his supermarkets and a McDonald's arrived on the Longmile Road.
Fun, dedicated spaces for children equals maternal happiness? What a revolutionary concept. Anyone who recalls the typically grizzly fast-food joints of the late 1980s will understand why McDonald's got such a welcome. It was brightly decorated, spacious and immaculately clean, had child-friendly toilets, charming little toadstool seats and thin, crispy chips and stuff that you could eat, unashamedly, with your fingers. Outside, there was plenty of parking space and picnic tables for fine days. Genius.
Last June, I watched the 120-strong Venezuelan Special Olympics team listening attentively to their Castlebar hosts describe the fun-packed days ahead. The loudest cheer went up at the mention of McDonald's.
Last Saturday, on a drive to Limerick, the 19-year-olds in the car suddenly came alive at the mention of a McDonald's up ahead. While they filled up - for about a fiver each - we encountered a middle-aged acquaintance who earns at least 10 times the industrial wage. For him and his wife, that McDonald's is a routine pitstop because the food is reliable and the coffee always hot and strong.
For all the talk about the billions spent on advertising, there is a simple truth about McDonald's. A vast diversity of people feel comfortable there. And yes, a good few of them will have read Fast Food Nation.
Back in Ennis, they present a range of reasons why this pariah should be chucked out of town - obesity, advertising and traffic problems among them. Nutritionally, the giant has a case to answer. It takes a nine-mile walk, apparently, to burn off the calories in a McDonald's cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake. But it takes 90 minutes of running to burn off a supersized Mars bar. Advertising a worry? Remember "a Mars a day helps you work, rest and play". Huh?
I'm betting there are schools within the mid-western region with vending machines dispensing Mars bars and sugar-packed fizzy drinks. A few of them have probably participated in junk food promotions to buy school equipment.
I'd also take bets that the trend for "Dashboard Dining" has reached Ennis, where any petrol station worth its salt, fat and sugar, has a hot counter of congealed fat masquerading as snack food and endless shelves of sweeties out front, situated strategically at kid-eye level.
What about home cooking, you say? Any supermarket will tell you that their biggest growth area is in convenience food. Since 1962, when the first Vesta Chicken Curry hit the shops, it has become the defining phenomenon of modern eating habits. British projections are that the growth in convenience foods will out-strip fast food in the next 10 years.
So what do Ennis folk do? Ban supermarkets? This is no simple issue. Unlike cigarettes, no one food is dangerous in itself but no one denies that obesity presents a massive public health challenge.
After decades of hearing the "fat is bad" mantra from those charged with the public's health, how do they begin to explain the fact that the rampantly full-fat Atkins diet actually lowers cholesterol; that the Full Irish - the original heart attack on a plate - can be part of a slimming regime, providing you omit the toast?
There are nettles to be grasped here that are a tad more tedious than banning McDonald's.
What are the health boards doing about unrestricted advertising aimed at the under-12s? What imaginative food education programmes are in place for boys and girls? Do they know where their pint of milk comes from, or the mysterious origins of the chicken nugget they had last night? Have they any concept of the power of the giant supermarket and discount chains and their effect on local retailers and producers? Do they understand why, in France, the farmers' markets, small producers and specialist shops are cherished and protected by planning and competition law?
Above all, have they - or their parents - any concept of their own power? Has anyone ever told them that a visit to McDonald's is a treat, not a lifestyle? That even if Ronald sets up in next door's garage, they can always use the "n" word? That's "No".