"Welcome back, and next on Morning Ireland we have the esteemed writer Jake A. Howling, author of the new blockbuster Charlie Rotter and the Goblet of Sleaze. First of all, Jake A., might I ask you, how do you explain the popularity of the Rotter character?"
"It's quite simple, really. I think people are fascinated by the notion of a truly abominable person, who is corrupt and dishonest and ruthless, who destroys lives and careers and who uses the institutions of state ruthlessly for his own self-advancement, who is without a single redeeming feature, yet who is followed by a band of fawning sycophants. In that sense it's pure fantasy. We know that such a person could not exist in life. That's what makes Charlie Rotter so fascinating for children. He belongs to an adult world which has to be fictional. He enables the reader to engage in the most wonderful suspension of disbelief. But the reader can always put the book down, knowing it is fantasy."
Goblins of Destiny
"In an earlier book in the series, Charlie Rotter and the Secret Arsenals, we saw Charlie being sidelined within his gang, the Goblins of Destiny, after he was accused of sending enchanted swords to elves in the Dark Mountains to the North. So he toiled within the Goblins of Destiny, finding secret elf-admirers everywhere, people who secretly supported the elfwar. `We don't want to bomb a million pixies into a united Feireland,' said one top Goblin. `We want to bomb them out of it.'
"A fairly appalling sentiment. Yet in your next volume in the series, Charlie Rotter and Revenge is Sweet, that Goblin is rewarded by promotion to Sproutland. Why?"
"You see, there's this circle within the Goblins of Destiny which practises its magic against the rest of the population, known as Muggins, or Mugs, as Charlie calls them. One would think that Charlie Rotter would be rejected by the Muggins because he's so conspicuously corrupt, but that is where his magic comes in. He has these amazing potions which convince people that by supporting him, things will get better for them. The people never see the truth about him."
"Perhaps you'd care to remind our listeners what he was up to in the earlier novels."
"Certainly. Rich gnomes gave him gold and silver. He lived in a vast palace, and drank vast amounts of expensive sparkling elixirs from the magic Wineland far away, yet he earned modest money. Nobody asked questions. He visited another country, Tir na nOla, and was given jewels, which he should have given to Feireland, but he didn't. He ruled by fear. Goblins who didn't like what he was doing to their country were intimidated, because he knew everything about everybody. If you had a secret, his private intelligence service would get to hear of it. He had hobgoblins and demons everywhere, telling him things. He hated a neighbouring island, Bugbearland, and when all else failed, he would play on a dislike of Bugbearland within the Feire population. He forbade Feire warriors to honour fellow Feirelanders
who died wearing the uniforms of Bugbearland, and ordered them to honour instead the dead of Deutschkaban, led by the evil figure of Adolfmort.
Private conversations
"He put listening devices on peoples' magic talking-machines so that he could hear their most private conversations. He owned an island, and announced that all the islands around his island would be henceforward controlled by Feireland -
but not his. When not enough Mugginses had voted for him, and the Gremlins were running Feireland, he would oppose everything they did, regardless. When the Gremlins tried to make a Bugbear-Feireland Agreement, which allowed Feireland to help govern the Dark Mountains to the North, he fought against it. When Gremlins said if people didn't want to make little babies, they should be allowed to buy devices preventing little babies from starting, he opposed it, saying it increased immorality, even though he engaged in babymaking activities with anyone he possibly could. "He even made an alliance with the High Priests, even though he didn't believe a single word the High Priests preached. And when the High Priests opposed Marriage-End, he did too, even as he was encouraging His Number One to get a divorce in Bugbearland. Meanwhile Feireland grew poorer and poorer and poorer as he and a few top gnomes got richer and richer and richer."
"That brings us up your latest book, Charlie Rotter and the Goblet of Sleaze. Perhaps you could tell us about this now."
Elixir of Life
"Certainly. In this book, one of Charlie Rotter's hobgoblins who helped him become Top Goblin is given control of the Elixir of Life Bank. Certain people who are ill need this Elixir, otherwise they will die. Because he didn't do the work he should have done, instead of these poor people being given Elixirs of Life, they were given Evil Potions which actually killed them. And when this Hobgoblin discovered what he had done, he destroyed the proof."
"But that's ridiculous. No-one can believe any of this."
"I know. We know in real life all this could be impossible. It would be just too terrible for words. But remember. It's fiction. You can put the book down whenever you like."
"And thank God for that. Thank you, Jake A. Howling. And now traffic news."