Kevin Myers: Speaking at the opening session of the Union of All Tribunals, counsel for the Borriarty Tribunal said it was his intention to show that Jackson Way had paid a sum of money to Esat Digifone to send a caravan of explosives to the home of the businessman Tom Gilmartin.
The deposit paid on the Quarryvale site was connected to the Carrickmines land deal, as investigated by the head of the ERU, Superintendent Adrienne McGlinchey. However, counsel added, it was not as simple as that.
He would show the tribunal that, far from the Norwegian telecommunications company Telenor being present at Lara that day, it was actually in Donegal, where the former Fine Gael TD Michael Lowry had a meeting with Ray Burke to discuss the use of CS gas in the Carrickmines land deal. Mr Jackson was unable to describe his way. It was just his way, that was all.
This had nothing whatever to do with the cheque which had been given by Mr Dunne to Inspector McGlinchey. Nor was it connected with the planting of explosives in the second telephone licence awarded to Esat Digifone. This was an entirely separate matter, which was linked to the subject now being discussed by a fairly clear chain of events, beginning with the appointment of Mr Des Traynor as Mr Dunlop's adviser, and ending with the first phone call to Lara gardaí.
The tribunal was now in receipt of the details of 538,497 non-resident, offshore bogus safe houses. This was a charade, he added, got up to make it look as if Telenor had sought planning permission for rezoning 500 acres near Swords, whereas Mr Frank Dunlop would tell the tribunal of payments to half-a-dozen councillors to clear the way for Mr Bugge, of Telenor.
However, Mr Bugge would not be appearing at the tribunal for the foreseeable future: he was in counselling because of the many jokes made on the steps of the tribunal about his name. Mr Bugge was a sensitive man. Counsel suggested that the scope of the tribunal be enlarged so as to reveal the identity of those who had been making these derogatory and possibly racist remarks. Norway was a proud country, with many heroes, as in Telemark.
As his lordship was aware, counsel continued, this involved the deeply regrettable bombing of a ferry carrying radioactive materials across a fjord. The use of these explosives suggested that there might be a link with the old Morris Tribunal, and he sought permission to include this as a suitable matter for the inquiry. Mr Justice Borriarty concurred, adding that henceforward the tribunal would be bilingual, in Norwegian and English.
Counsel for the tribunal pointed out that there was a substantial Lap minority in Norway, and it would be seen as discriminatory unless the tribunal also conducted its affair in Lappish, if that was the name, and in all five major dialects. Lappish it is, agreed the judge. Counsel continued that it would be impossible to consider the Telemark affair without reference to events in Germany at the time. It was his intention to consider those events in detail. Very well, said the judge.
Furthermore, Germany would very probably have not invaded Norway without the provocative manoeuvrings of the British navy, at the prompting of the First Sea Lord, Mr Winston Churchill. This, now, opened an entirely fresh can of worms; and the tribunal would be failing in its duty to the Irish people if it shrank from the enormity of the task ahead. Counsel felt sure that his lordship was ready for the task. His lordship assented.
This being the case, was there, indeed, a direct link between the Royal Naval operations in Norway and the Esat Digifone Siege at Carrickmines? The only way for the tribunal to find this out was to enlarge its area of interest to cover all of Mr Churchill's career, starting perhaps with the Boer War. Of particular interest, however, to the tribunal was the disaster at Gallipoli. It was counsel's belief that unless you understood the reasons for that, there was no way that you could understand the Dunlop affidavits or Quarryvale's operations at Glending.
Counsel moved that Turkish be accepted as an official language of the tribunal. His lordship again assented. Counsel than addressed the tribunal in an Anatolian dialect, explaining that the seizure of Istanbul, formerly Constantinople, was the key to the Gallipoli landings. This was in large part because of the mythic status of the city in the western mind. It was the second Rome, and had once been Greek-speaking; on grounds of parity of esteem and historical accuracy, affairs must also be conducted in Greek.
With what appeared to be a heavy heart, the judge agreed to this suggestion. Counsel moved that the tribunal could not even begin to consider the subject of Greek civilisation - as in all fairness, one must - without considering the Peloponnesian Wars, and their impact on Mr Lowry's fridge plant in Donegal. Was it possible to discuss these wars without contemplating other events, such as those at Troy? Counsel maintained it was not.
With an audible sob, Mr Justice Borriarty assented to the Siege of Troy being within the scope of his tribunal. Which brings me, said counsel for the tribunal, to the Great Fire of London, myxomatosis, the invention of aspirin, and the '98 Rising of Glorious and Immortal Memory. If you will forgive me, my lord, he declared, we are finally approaching the point where this tribunal begins to get just a leetle complicated.