‘Until the church recognises the dignity of gay people, don’t bury my ashes’

Many, some anxiously, await an outcome to the global Synod in Rome whose first session was held last October with the concluding session in October next year. So, there is almost a year to go.

At Oughterard in rural Kildare, an urn of human ashes sits in a family home, a symbol of that wait. They belong to Fintan Farrell who died unexpectedly on Christmas Eve last. In a will that came to light shortly afterwards, he asked to be cremated and that his ashes be kept unburied by his family for an indefinite period.

As a gay man, he didn’t want a Catholic funeral ritual until “the Roman Catholic Church finally recognises the full dignity of gay people.” If such were to happen, he wrote that he would like then to have a full Catholic funeral rite, with his ashes buried in the family grave.

He wrote that if nothing could come of his request, he would settle for his ashes being scattered in the vicinity of the Oughterard graveyard

Fintan, of course, knew that there would have been no problem with his family having such a rite at the present time. His point was one of conscience. He felt that the official church didn’t honour his integrity as a gay man while he was alive, and he didn’t want that glossed over at his death.

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He wrote that if nothing could come of his request, he would settle for his ashes being scattered in the vicinity of the Oughterard graveyard. “Feed my ashes to the wind up there. That would be a grand resting place.”

Farrell spent his life advocating on behalf of marginalised communities. His obituary in The Irish Times (Thursday March 2nd, 2023) gave a good account of the extent and significance of that work. It also placed on the public record his request regarding his funeral.

Funerals are a huge part of Irish life. In taking this stance regarding his own death and burial, Farrell was offering a powerful call for a conversation within the church about exclusion.

I think he would have been hugely encouraged by the overall synodal process culminating in the global gathering in Rome. The conversations across the world were unprecedented because they included not just clerical leadership, but people on the ground. These have already raised the issue of structures within the church and society that exclude minorities.

Those who are in loving relationships that don’t accord with church teaching, including people identifying as LGBTQI+, spoke of their hurt, particularly about harmful and offensive language used in church circles and documents

These issues have been carried through national and continental reports and are now on the agenda of the global synod. So, for instance, at the European gathering of synod delegates in Prague earlier this year, the Irish delegation’s address acknowledged the issue raised here in relation to sexual minorities.

Those who are in loving relationships that don’t accord with church teaching, including people identifying as LGBTQI+, spoke of their hurt, particularly about harmful and offensive language used in church circles and documents. It acknowledged the depth of the questioning that emerged from the Irish conversations regarding church abuse and exclusion in general, and the depth of the response that is required.

Their voice went to the very heart of what is needed in the church: conversion. Their addresses didn’t hold back on the implications of such conversion. This will demand the courage and wisdom of the Spirit to review and inspire any necessary doctrinal, structural, canonical, and pastoral changes without destroying communion and losing sight of the person and teaching of Jesus Christ.

As a life-long and strategic campaigner, Farrell understood that change towards inclusion is a process. He wouldn’t have wanted his ashes to be a kind of iconoclastic symbol, a weapon in a culture war with the church. Instead, he would have wanted calm conversation and discernment. That is precisely what the global synodal process is seeking to achieve.

I do feel hopeful that by this time next year, if the global process is sustained and respected, there will be some movement within the church

The wider call for inclusion and change in the church which his ashes symbolise has been followed in the Rome meeting by a hugely positive structure for engaging with these and other questions. What I think has been especially good is that the calls for inclusion have not been seen as simply “hot button” issues marginal to the church’s mission. They touch on the very basis of that mission, the credibility of the church.

In an article for Furrow magazine (June 2023), Whither the ashes of Fintan Farrell? I expressed the hope that his ashes could be seen as a positive symbol for the many questions raised for the Irish church from its initial synodal conversations. And that it will lead to further and deeper conversations on these questions. But in the meantime, I do feel hopeful that by this time next year, if the global process is sustained and respected, there will be some movement within the church. A movement that could enable the Farrell family to bury his ashes in the family grave in good conscience that his wishes have been respected.

We will wait and see. Whether his ashes are buried or scattered will itself be a powerful sign to and about the church.

• Martin Kennedy is a facilitator with church and community organisations living in Killashandra, Co Cavan