Why one woman said `no more'

`I have often heard people say they only stayed for the sake of the children, but I was leaving for the sake of the children," …

`I have often heard people say they only stayed for the sake of the children, but I was leaving for the sake of the children," says Sonia (not her real name) who will address the conference on Monday. Sonia left her husband when she was pregnant with her third child.

"I wasn't going to let my son grow up thinking it was all right to hit his wife or girlfriend because she won't say anything. And I wasn't going to let my daughter grow up thinking you can take all the beatings until your children leave home and then you can go, then you can have a life that's safe."

The abuse Sonia suffered was both physical and sexual.

"He slapped me on the mouth, pulled out lumps of my hair, burned me, kicked me, ripped my clothes, strangled me, banged my head off the wall and for good measure pushed me down the stairs.

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"He didn't bother making excuses anymore, no more apologies, no more sorrowful or remorseful words, just take it and keep your mouth shut. The worst thing of all was when it came to bedtime he expected me to perform with love and passion. I felt vile and disgusted, but what was I to do? If I didn't, I knew what would happen again. You couldn't call it rape because I was consenting, I had to."

After leaving she went to a refuge for eight months before she got a house for herself and her children. Seven years later, her advice to anyone experiencing domestic violence is "get out and stay out, life is meant to be lived, not dreaded".