Miriam Lord's Week

Amnesty for bankers (again); no angel; struggling for Mass appeal; ‘anti-rural’ Greens; Lenihan’s liberal dose; sinking feeling for Longford?; Coveney captain fantastic; the young ones; splitting Cahirs

Fallen Fitz surfaces at the left hand of O'Brien

IN RECENT years, Denis O’Brien’s lunchtime Christmas bash in aid of Amnesty International was a highlight of what some people like to call the “Social Calendar”.But that was back in the day when we were big shots.

Denis is a strong supporter of Amnesty International – when he won record damages in a libel action, he said he would be donating the money to the human rights organisation.

Over the years, major business figures addressed his Christmas luncheon and it was graced by the shiniest stars in the Celtic Tiger constellation: top bankers, property developers and the like.

The ballroom of the Shelbourne Hotel was packed last Friday for this year’s corporate shindig, sponsored as usual by O’Brien’s Newstalk radio station. Almost 300 guests, those stalwarts of the social calendar generally categorised as “the Great and the Good”, arrived in fine spirits for their pre-luncheon drinks followed by a spot of turkey and ham. But the atmosphere became a little strained when people spotted Denis O’Brien’s special guest – a tanned, grey-haired man sitting at his left hand at the top table. It was none other than Seán FitzPatrick, the disgraced boss of Anglo Irish Bank who has been dodging the media ever since he spectacularly fell from grace.

Some suspected that Seanie’s presence was the reason that Colm O’Gorman, Amnesty’s executive director in Ireland, was not placed at the top table, as is usual with the seating plan. Also at the table was corporate hand-holder and schmoozemeister supreme, PJ Mara.

“FitzPatrick stayed in his seat for the entire time – there wasn’t a budge out of him,” said a guest, who did not want to be identified. “Denis spent most of his time talking to him. It was so different to earlier years, when Seanie was paraded around the room like the pope and everyone wanted to be seen with him. But he was looking well.”

There was a raffle during the Christmas pud – prizes included two nights in the Shelbourne, two nights in the Wineport Lodge in Glasson and two nights in the Ice House in Ballina. Nobody mentioned nights in the dog house, but it was on a lot of minds.

“There was quite a buzz about FitzPatrick’s presence. Some people were furious, but they weren’t going to cross Denis. We wanted to walk out, but we didn’t. I’m sorry, and a bit embarrassed about that now,” said our disgruntled diner. That’s rather harsh on poor Seanie. He was only going for his lunch – so well done Denis O’Brien for asserting his old mucker’s human rights. It’s the Amnesty way.

It’s strange, though, that station-owner Denis – and his people – missed out on what was a great business opportunity. His Newstalk hotshots would have been delighted for a chance to scoop an exclusive and get their claws into the elusive Seanie, but the event didn’t merit a mention.

A message from on high for Michael D?

It’s lunchtime on Thursday and the members’ restaurant looks very festive as the lights twinkle on the towering Christmas tree.

While the House debates the Civil Partnership Bill, Michael D Higgins is passionately holding forth to Kathleen Lynch and Seán Sherlock on the Murphy report, earlier having excoriated the Catholic Church in the Dáil. He’s in full flow and they can’t get a word in. Suddenly, just as the deputy for Galway West is developing a particularly stinging observation about the bishops, he receives an unmerciful belt on the head from a flying object.

It’s the angel/fairy from the top of the Christmas tree, and after taking a dive at Michael D it bounces off his cranium and lands in his dinner.

“Well,” he declares, “it seems everything connected with religion is coming down these days.”

“That’s your own fault, giving out about the church like that,” says Kathleen.

A message from on high, perhaps? “It was from on high alright – the top of that tree must have been 10ft above him,” Lynch told us afterwards. “And to make it worse, we couldn’t stop laughing.”

And was it an angel or a fairy? “I dunno. It had wings and a flowery dress.”

Now religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel

Still on the subject of religion, there has been a mixed reaction to the Mass which was celebrated on Wednesday in the famous Fianna Fáil party rooms in Leinster House. Organised by Senator Diarmuid Wilson on Wednesday, it was held in memory of the late senators Tony Kett and Peter Callanan.

Opposition deputies and Senators said they weren’t surprised that the main Government party has resorted to prayer. “Isn’t religion the last bastion of the scoundrel,” snorted a Labour TD.

During the Mass, FF Senator Camillus Glynn acted as server. No senior Ministers were in attendance but Martin Mansergh and Seán Haughey were among the juniors who turned up. However, comments from the altar by the celebrant Fr Pat Fay that priests and politicians have much in common, as they find themselves “in a dark place” with the general public, did not go down well with some Fianna Fáilers. “I’d prefer not to be lumped in with the crimes of the Catholic Church, thank you very much,” declared a furious Government deputy. “We may have our difficulties, but that’s going beyond the beyond. Are there no rules against holding such services within the Houses of Parliament? Was permission granted?”

A spokesman for the Oireachtas told us that no specific protocols exist in the Oireachtas for carrying out religious ceremonies. “What the parties decide to do in their own rooms is their own business.”

Not easy being Green, for farmers at any rate

Polling continues in the election for the position of president of the Irish Farmers’ Association. Voting began on Tuesday and continues across 947 branches until December 14th. Returning officer is Rúaidhrí Deasy, son of the notorious 1960s road-blockading president Rickard Deasy.

The result is expected on December 21st, the shortest day of the year.

Green Pary TD Mary White will be particularly interested in the result. Two of the three candidates are based in her Carlow/Kilkenny constituency, and the IFA isn’t known for its love of the Greens.

The candidates are Kilkenny county chairman John Bryan, from Inistioge; deputy IFA president Derek Deane, from Hacketstown, Carlow; and IFA national dairy chairman Richard Kennedy, from Clarina in Limerick.

John Bryan is said to be a front-runner, which should cheer White enormously. This is what he said last month about the leader of the Green Party: “The current Minister for the Environment, John Gormley, is distinctly anti-rural Ireland and has no appreciation of the role of the family farm in maintaining vibrant rural communities. Farmers and those representing them on local authorities have reason to be worried about his extreme Green agenda.”

In fairness, the party’s relationship with the IFA isn’t great – only 1 per cent of farmers are said to vote Green – but if this fella becomes president they won’t get any better.

Meanwhile, Dan Boyle has just been re-elected cathaoirleach of the Green Party, having completed a two-year term of office. But it was a close run thing for Danbo.

Final result of their “preferendum”: Dan Boyle: 1,478; Trish Forde-Brennan: 1,239;

JJ Power (brother of FF TD Seán): 1,201.

Liberal dose of bickering from constituency colleagues

When it comes to tormenting Brian Lenihan, his constituency colleague Joan Burton is peerless.

Here she is on Thursday, discussing fiscal matters with him:

Lenihan – As regards the wider questions about the grave fiscal position the State faces, it is a very serious position. It is worth noting, however, that the commission predicted our deficit this year would be about 12.5 per cent. It is clear from the returns we have to the end of November that the deficit will be less than 12 per cent. That is lower than the United Kingdom’s deficit this year. I take it, therefore, that the Deputy will be raising similar concerns with her comrades who have been running the United Kingdom in recent years.

Joan – I didn’t realise the Minister was a supporter of the Tories.

– I’m not.

– He always wants to have it both ways.

– We’re allied to the Liberals now.

– He’s a green Tory.

– No, we’re allied to the Liberals. You weren’t listening.

– We used to have three socialists, but now we have three Tories.

– Our allies in the United Kingdom are the Liberal Party. That is where our allegiance lies in the UK. They have a great record in relation to this country.

You learn something new every day.

Now that would be a genuine Lake County

A bizarre Facebook group page has appeared on the interweb called “Sink Longford to make a lake to prevent future flooding in Ireland.” It was posted less than a week ago, but the site has already attracted 6,000 “fans” and counting. Yesterday, nearly 500 people signed up.

At first glance, even the Taoiseach appears to have rowed in with support. “Ya, the floating traffic lights might work. It would be a hard job [to] change a bulb if one needed replacement. Using a ladder would be out as it would sink.” However, upon closer inspection, the author is Taoiseach “Brain” Cowen.

The rate at which people are signing up could be worrying for the county that brought us Eddie Macken, James “Bonkers” Bannon of Fine Gael and the grey squirrel. Nothing for it but to consult Longford Fianna Fáil deputy Peter Kelly. “At the moment, we’re bringing the Royal Canal to Clondra. And after that, we’ll take a look at the lake.”

Oireachtas adds to nation’s unbeaten rugby run

More good news on the rugby front.

The Oireachtas selection maintained their unbeaten run for this year when they pulled off a stunning victory against the South African parliamentarians on Saturday.

The final score was 10-7, with Fine Gael’s Simon Coveney living up to his captain’s role by clinching the match with a try in the last minute. The team’s first try was scored by his party colleague, Michael D’Arcy.

Former Kerry GAA great Jimmy Deenihan stepped up to try the first conversion but was wide of the mark. D’Arcy tried to convert the second time, but his effort hit the woodwork.

Man of the match was 18-year-old Emmet Faherty, son of the team manager, Eoin Faherty, who retired from the Oireachtas staff last week. It was a fast, clean game and the Oireachtas team wore a lovely new set of jerseys (blue and green). The public representatives were keen to stress that they paid for them out of their own pockets.

When news reached Croke Park of the triumph, Brian O’Driscoll and the lads were spurred on to record a famous victory of their own against the Springboks.

Not the only child of the last recession . . .

Donie Cassidy got a little carried away when he claimed that Fianna Fáil’s new Senator, James Carroll, is the first member of the Oireachtas born in the 1980s. While Fianna Fáil’s Little Lord Fauntleroy (26) may be the youngest representative, he is not the only one born in the 1980s. Until James came on the scene, Fine Gael’s Lucinda Creighton, born in 1980, was sole holder of the title.

While on the subject of clarifications, a press officer from the OPW was in touch on Monday following our piece about Martin Mansergh inspecting the flooding in Athlone. The article was headed “Mansergh scribbles as the midlands submerge”. His Minister had asked him to ring and point out that he was reported saying: “I was in Cahir and Limerick yesterday.” In fact, he said “I was in Clare and Limerick yesterday.” It must be great to be a junior minister. And have staff and all.

What’s in a name, Cuffe? Quite a lot, apparently

Green deputy Ciarán Cuffe wants to sex up our stuffy old Oireachtas Bills. While happy on Thursday with the measures in the dumping-at-sea Bill, he told the Dáil: “I am, however, upset by the title . . . If I were working for the Obama administration, I would call this Bill the Clean Seas, Ocean Energy and Coastal Zone Management Bill. But what do we call it? We call it the Foreshore and Dumping at Sea Bill.

“I’m sure we can move forward with thinking a little more laterally about the proper titles of legislation and the Attorney general is working in this area with his departmental colleagues.” As if they don’t have enough to do.

A case of hearses for courses in budget week

It might be wise for the two Brians to keep their eyes off the road on the day before the budget. Things are stressful enough for them without looking out the windows of Leinster House on Tuesday, where they might just see a procession of 250 hearses on a slow drive past, with the undertakers behind the wheels calling out their names.

That’ll be the planned protest by undertakers from Navan and the surrounding areas. They say that the recent closure of the embalming unit in Navan Hospital is going to put the small undertaker out of business.

And the award for Most Humble Car goes to . . .

This week’s award for the Most Humble Car in the Leinster House car park has been won outright, and probably for perpetuity, by George Lee.

He certainly turned heads yesterday when he zoomed in behind the wheel of 99-reg Fiat Seicento. It’s quite a step up for George, who owns a Segway – an electric form of transport resembling a large cotton reel on a pole. But back to the Seicento – you can pick up 1999 models for under €500 these days.