Miriam Lord's Week

Good korma; Garden County shockwaves; Brian's Babes; hoors and protesters; Green Baron; tips from campaigns past; wandering pig; Ivor's missive

Fianna Fáil keeps it quiet for family portrait

WHAT A LOVELY family portrait of Fianna Fáil on the plinth, taken the day after Micheál Martin was elected eighth leader of the party.

But Fianna Fáil was in no rush to announce that this happy gathering was taking place. The usual alerts that go out to journalists didn’t happen. It was only through the eternal vigilance of the Leinster House press corps (two of them ambled past on their way to the sweet shop and saw what was happening) that the event came to notice.

And the photographers had to be content to shoot through the Kildare Street gates. After the events of the previous two weeks, perhaps deputies were just too traumatised to face a full media onslaught. Still, everyone put on a happy face, Mary Hanafin holding up the lovely handbag she picked up during her visit to the craft fair – designed by Inti of Co Louth – to admiring female colleagues.

Mary nearly didn’t get to take part in the leadership contest when Pat Carey, who was supposed to propose her, got delayed. “A man is never around when you want one,” she announced to the parliamentary party, whereupon Michael Mulcahy, who had pledged his support to another, gallantly stepped into the breach.

And now for some new leader factoids: Micheál Martin was with a friend “having a curry” when he heard about Brian Cowen’s ill-fated reshuffle. That’s when he decided he would have to move on the leadership again.

It was korma. Sorry, karma.

Micheál’s nickname in Cork may be Duckie, but he didn’t get it because he ducks making tough decisions. He was so named during his schooldays because, with his big eyes and innocent little face, he resembled a cute wee duckie. It is not widely known, but the new leader of Fianna Fáil collects Jack Lynch memorabilia. His father, Paddy Martin, was a great personal friend of Jack Lynch, who was, and still is, a hero in the Martin household.

Kevin Cummins, a teacher at Coláiste Chríost Rí, used to take Micheál and his class to the Gaeltacht as teenagers where they would team up with schools from Tipperary. One of the pupils was a girl called Mary Hanafin and he could remember Micheál and Mary ag rince le chéile! Will he/won’t he ask her out – to be his deputy leader ?

Wickla awaits, and still awaits . . .

After Brian Cowen's resignation last Saturday, residents of the Garden County dared to hope. Had their time come at last? But by Tuesday morning, still no word. Then the latest edition of the Wicklow Timeshit the streets. There, at the bottom of the front page, was a headline announcing the dreaded news: "Dick Roche not to contest FF leadership." Shockwaves from Bray to Arklow, Greystones to Tinahely.

Presumably he also made his intention clear to Martin and the other three contenders in the race, clearing the way for them to run. So why did Roche make this sacrifice? “I feel I can be better employed in carrying out my duties in Europe where an important job of safeguarding our corporate tax rate has to be done,” he said. They must be heaving a sigh of relief in Cork.

None more loyal than the Faithful women

Seventy of Brian Cowen’s most ardent fans are in Dublin this weekend, taking a break from the “should I go, or should I stay” in Offaly. Contrary to his media image, the Taoiseach has a strong following among Fianna Fáil women and there’s none more loyal in the Faithful County than the Fianna Fáil Women’s Group. The annual outing is organised by Cowen’s PA Cllr Sinead Dooley, and yesterday they were scheduled to visit Leinster House for a photocall with the man himself.

Luckily, the Seanad was sitting so they were also able to watch another Offaly man who holds a seat of some influence in the action: Cathaoirleach Pat Moylan. The ladies were determined to enjoy Offaly’s last days in the sun. If Cowen has his mind made up about standing for election he was not showing his hand, but the local distaff side are clear that they want their man on the ticket.

Brian’s Babes on tour are not straying too far from home – they dined last night around the corner from Government Buildings in Hugo’s wine bar on Merrion Row, which is run by Padraig McLoughlin from Tullamore.

Creighton the face to launch Drennan’s tome

Lucinda Creighton did the honours in the upstairs bar of Doheny and Nesbitts on Wednesday at the launch of journalist John Drennan's Cute Hoors and Pious Protesters: Traits and Characteristics of Irish Politicians.

The Fine Gael deputy informed assembled hacks that she “only agreed to attend the launch because she thought, like launching a ship, that you’d get to smash a bottle of champagne” against the text.

The author, meanwhile, told us that he had finally learned what accountancy firms mean when they talk about Chinese Walls. “When all right-thinking people were calling for this terrible Government to go, I was secretly praying for them to stay until we at least managed to release the book.” Drennan, happily, just managed to nip in under the wire.

Spotted at the event were Fine Gael’s James Reilly (hair and beard freshly mown in readiness for the hustings), Leo Varadkar and Frances Fitzgerald; and Joan Burton of Labour. The absence of FF figures was explained by one disconsolate TD who said “we’ve a three line whip on to pass this Finance Bill so we’re confined to barracks”. Some brave Senators such as the indefatigable Terry Leyden and Martin Brady managed to organise a swift break-out.

Cute Hoors and Pious Protestersby John Drennan is published by Gill and Macmillan.

Mirth and mortification as Adams departs

Mirth in Westminster and mortification in West Belfast this week with the news that Gerry Adams is now Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead – which makes him a baron. (Until another MP resigns and is granted the title.)

Our man in Westminster tells us that chortling MPs have already nicknamed Adams the Green Baron. Baron Adams gave up his seat in Westminster (no loss, because he never sat in it) because he looks a shoo-in to take retiring Arthur Morgan’s Dáil seat in the constituency of Louth – or the Manor of Southinstead, as the chaps in Sinn Féin call it.

Meanwhile, his political opponents, wary of the electoral threat posed by a resurgent Sinn Féin, are hoping the Green Baron goes the way of the Red Baron – down in flames.

Always an Offaly tough election battleground

If Brian Cowen decides not to run in the election, Laois-Offaly Fianna Fáil will be in very serious trouble indeed. As it is, the party’s support is set to plummet in the constituency.

Micheál Martin, who says he will invigorate and reorganise the party, could do well to heed the advice from a party officer in west Offaly, who wrote to headquarters in 1949 with suggestions on how to increase support. PJ Joyce was particularly worried about the popularity of Oliver J Flanagan.

His letter, in the party archives, refers “to arrangements for reorganisation in this area” and helpfully provides a list of the Mass times in Offaly and possible church gate speakers.

“For Pullagh, Mr S Lemass would be the best choice, also Banagher. For Clonfanlough, Ballinahown and Shannonbridge, either Mr G Boland or Mr P Smith.”

Mr Joyce continues: “We require a speaker who will rip to ribbons the false utterings of deputy Flanagan. He has had a perfect playground in this area for over four years past and has endeared himself to ignorant followers of Fianna Fáil to win them over. He knew they were wavering and he played on their feelings. These people, who are really Fianna Fáil at heart, could be taught the error of their ways, and with the right speaker to counter Flanagan’s outbursts of invective, they would come back stronger than ever.” Plus ça change . . .

McEntee – Meath’s masked crusader

Shane McEntee, Fine Gael TD for Meath West, caused something of a stir last Saturday when he arrived at a packed fundraiser for his local GAA club wearing a Brian Cowen mask.

Publican and restaurateur McEntee, who runs Dee Bar and Dee Grill in the village of Nobber, arrived at Keoghan’s bar, across the road from his own premises, wearing the Biffo mask on the night Cowen resigned from the Fianna Fáil leadership. There was a race night in progress in aid of Nobber GAA club, and while Keoghan’s has been described to us as “a Fine Gael establishment”, this was very much a non-political evening.

Accordingly, some people in attendance took offence at McEntee’s jape. Words were had. Shane, who boasts a fine Meath GAA pedigree, duly removed the mask.

“It was just a bit of fun, that’s all. I only wore it for about three minutes. There was no offence intended” says Shane. McEntee later took part in a charity weigh-in at the pub. “I don’t think I’ll have much problem losing weight in the next four weeks.”

Meanwhile, Shane has offered to act as mediator in the case of the promotional pig kidnapped from outside Peter Roger’s butcher’s shop in Moynalty in his constituency. The pig disappeared during a Macra na Feirme debate between Moynalty and visiting team Loganstown and is now on tour around the country. It has its own Facebook page “Travelling Piggie” and has been as far as Tramore already. “I will negotiate for the pig’s safe return, but no matter what the Loganstown boys say, there is no question of a ransom being paid” says McEntee – after all he represents the law and order party.

Alastair’s all about the place again

The ubiquitous Alastair Campbell arrives in Dublin this Friday to promote the second volume of his diaries, Power and the People. The obligatory appearance on the Late Late Showwill be followed by trips to Belfast and Cork, before he returns to Dublin on February 8th for Leviathan in the RDS, when David McWilliams hosts a debate on New Government, New Business. And Newstalk have signed him up to co-present two shows over that weekend: Sports Saturdaywith Ger Gilroy and the Dunphy Showon Sunday.

The dangers of automated mailshots

The first election skirmish in Dublin South has been conducted by correspondence between sitting Fine Gael TD Alan Shatter and newly declared Independent contender, Senator Shane Ross.

Ross – elected on the Trinity College panel – wrote to TCD graduates in the constituency just over a week ago, seeking support in his Dáil bid. One on them landed on Alan’s doormat. “Dear Mr Shatter,” begins the letter, before citing chronic cronyism that can no longer be tolerated from “Ireland’s oligarchy of party politicians, bankers, developers and senior civil servants who have brought the country close to ruin”.

Shatter replied: “I am sorry that you falsely claim that all politicians and political parties are responsible ‘for bringing the country close to ruin’. Fine Gael when last in government left the economy in sound condition.

“I also totally reject your inclusion of me in your accusation of ‘cronyism’ and also that I am part of an ‘oligarchy of party politicians’, whatever that means.”

Resurfaced Ivor willing to serve

Ivor Callely has resurfaced in the Dublin North Central constituency. A Killester reader e-mails with the news that he received a letter from Callely on Monday. Ivor is upbeat and willing to serve. “I wish to confirm to you my ongoing commitment to serve you in this difficult period of economic and financial challenges” he reassures his people.

And so, to his darkest hour. “There were numerous false allegations made against me and I was vilified . . . However, my recent victory in the High Court has now cleared me of such false allegations.” He then addresses a “most important issue”: should he continue in public life? Aah do, Ivor. You’re great fun.