Miriam Lord's Week

No crock of gold for Sinn Féin leprechauns:Michael McCarthy, Labour deputy for Cork South West, came over all begob and begorrah when he attacked Sinn Féin's proposal to impose a 50 per cent tax on gas and oil profits.

“Sinn Féin leprechaun politics is wearing thin!” he thundered. “It is high time they stopped perpetuating the belief that there are mythical pots of money to be tapped into, when it is simply not the case. All Sinn Féin is missing are gold buckles, black shoes, and little green hats.”

We’re not sure about that. We saw Gerry Adams barrelling across the carpark the other day wearing a comfy pair of Crocs.

Perhaps Michael’s shillelagh approach was prompted by remarks on the issue by his party colleague, Cork South Central deputy Ciaran Lynch, who said Sinn Féin’s motion was “a prime example of their adherence to the Darby O’Gill School of economics”. “Sinn Féin would like us to think that there is a crock of black gold at the end of the rainbow . . . but in reality there is no such thing. There is no magic wand that we can wave over the ocean to make millions of barrels of oil appear from the mist in the Irish waters, and that will abate the economic problems that we currently face.”

Mick's shirts, Ming's denims , Richard's hoodie

One of the first tasks completed by the Dáil Technical Group was the selection of a stand-in for the Ceann Comhairle – somebody to join the group of deputies who chair proceedings in the absence of Sean Barrett and his Leas-Ceann Comhairle, Fianna Fáil’s Micheal Kitt.

Deputy Mick Wallace of Wexford was proposed and duly selected. Now Leinster House awaits the moment when Mick, a vision in, eh, flowing pink and fluorescent hair, ascends the chair and takes charge.

We hear Mattie McGrath is also on the temporary chair panel, which is stuffed with Labour deputies in need of something to do.

Meanwhile, the saga of the sartorial sins committed by the denizens of the Dáil’s Revolutionary Quarter rumbles on.

The casual attire favoured by certain members of the Technical Group continues to give some of the more conservative deputies a fit of the vapours. They blanch at every flash of denim from Ming Flanagan and tremble at the sight of Richard Boyd-Barrett’s hoodie.

But Ming and company have no intention of bending the knee before the Leinster House fashion police, despite the recent appeal from the Government Chief Whip, Paul Kehoe.

Flanagan reluctantly discussed the issue last week on the Cork radio station Red FM. He told the Cork Talks Back morning show that he will continue to dress as he chooses and won’t be pressurised to conform by the Dáil suits.

Whereupon businessman John McCarthy of Suit Distributers rang in and offered to kit him out in a €350 suit, along with a choice of shirt and ties.

An affronted Ming declared he had better things to be doing with his time, like helping to fix the country, and promptly hung up.

Deputy Jerry Buttimer was on the other line. “I was shocked when he terminated the conversation. It was a very measured debate,” says Jerry. “I’m not being overly conservative about it, but I feel we should dress appropriately when in the chamber. I wore a pink tie myself during the week to complement Mick Wallace’s rig-out.”

Technical groupies: three's a crowd:

The Technical Group, that happy band of independent political souls, meets every Tuesday at lunchtime to map a course for the week ahead.

They are happy because they are few in number, and therefore get oodles of speaking time. The same can’t be said for the massed ranks of government backbenchers, who have to fight for attention.

Enda and Eamon will have to move quickly to find little jobs for them – the parties may have a very large Dáil majority, but idle backbenchers are a dangerous force when all they have to do is turn up for votes. In the absence of something better to do, some may pass the time by plotting against their officer corps. It’s already dawned on some of the brighter of the new intake that they aren’t as cherished as they thought they would be.

The independents have three spokesmen: the troika of Joe Higgins, Finian McGrath and Shane Ross.

For some reason – the rules of the Dáil are unfathomable – they are not supposed to sit together in the chamber when one of them is in action during Leaders’ Questions. If it’s Higgins’s turn, Ross and McGrath must absent themselves; when Ross is in action the other two must sit outside the railings, and the same applies for McGrath.

They observed this strange edict for the first few weeks of the new Dáil, before they slowly began drifting into the chamber when one of the troika was in possession. The Ceann Comhairle doesn’t seem to have noticed. However, when Shane Ross has the floor for Leaders’ Questions, Joe Higgins continues to sit outside the railings, presumably to lessen the risk of capitalist contamination.

Their whip, Catherine Murphy, runs a tight ship. But she is lucky – she never has a problem finding speakers to front up for the group during debates. They’re mad to talk, and on anything.

The Easter Awards for the 31st Dáil:

With the House in recess for Easter, it’s time to run the rule over the new boys and girls in the 31st Dáil (and the hardy perennials). After an interesting opening two months, who are our Easter bunnies and good eggs? As we still can’t recognise most of the TDs, this is not an easy task.

'I Can't Believe It's Not Enda' award:This goes to a man called the Taoiseach, who is swanning around Leinster House and the capitals of Europe purporting to be Enda Kenny. But ask anyone and they'll tell you he's nothing like the Inda they used to know.

“Unrecognisable” they say. “Better than the original. Where did he come from?” It’s all down to confidence, apparently. And the Taoiseach has it.

Humpty Dumpty award for the deputy most likely to have a big fall:The smart money is on that stalwart of Old Labour, Tommy Broughan, who has already been making rebellious noises from the backbenches. He won't do well when the choice committee jobs are shared out. Will he last the course with his comrades?

Best supporting minister in a non-speaking role:Hasn't Leo gone very quiet all the same?

Best new double-barrelled TD:Mary Mitchell O'Connor.

Most frightening deputy without his cap:Michael Healy-Rae.

Who-Are-Ya award for services to heckling:Ray Butler, FG deputy for Meath West. Ray sits next to former senator Jerry Buttimer and already Jerry is proving a bad influence on Ray, who made a quite a scene during Thursday's Order of Business. Joe Higgins attempted to reprimand him but confessed he didn't know his name.

'If I was any happier to be here I'd explode' award:Deputy Peter Matthews of Fine Gael.

'Annie Don't Get Your Gun' Award:MEP Marian Harkin, who was an unsuccessful bidder for Countess Markievicz's gun at an auction in Dublin this week. Her representative did his best, but it sold for €7,000 – way above its reserve. Contrary to reports that she wanted it to shoot political opponents, Marian actually wanted to present it to a museum in Sligo.

David Attenborough award for rare political wildlife:Michael Colreavy of Sinn Féin. The Sligo/North Leitrim TD has described himself as "an endangered species" as he managed to win a Dáil seat from the Leitrim side of the divide.

Chin-up award:Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin, who battles on despite Dáil doses of derision from Enda Kenny and the government benches, followed by a large second helping from Gerry Adams and his deputies.

Chin-down award:Gerry Adams, who keeps walking himself into haymakers when he opens his mouth.

A topsy-turvy way to pick up your Seanad representative:

Here’s a novel way to choose your political representative, courtesy of MagicMum.com, “a forum for mums and mums-to-be – all you need to know about parenting and a lot, lot more!” Including politics.

The yummy mummies are conflicted over the Seanad election. Who to vote for? One poster, “Iuil”, seeks guidance: “I really don’t want to get into the rights and wrongs of who gets a vote in the Seanad elections, or even its existence . . . But I haven’t a clue who most of the people on the ballot form are! The only names I recognise are Feargal Quinn and Bernadine O’Sullivan. I’m sure at least some of the others might make a worthy addition to the institution. I’ve looked at all the bumf they’ve sent me and, to be honest, my eyes just glaze over reading most of it.”

She continues: “Do I really have to go and Google all 20-plus of them, or is there a Ladybird version somewhere online like there was for the Dáil elections?”

“As long as you don’t vote for Ronan Mullen you should be doing ok,” responds “Gerbera”, rather unkindly.

“Donncha O’Connell is great. He’s the anti-Rónán Mullen,” writes “Hope”, referring to the Galway law lecturer and NUI candidate.

But how to choose?

“Shellbelle” rides to the rescue. “Myself and my sister based our vote on whoever looked the best when you held their picture upside down.”

Oh, the benefits of a university education. Great idea. Graduates, take a look at Rónán and Donncha here. God knows how Joe O’Toole ever managed to get elected.

Having a Havana moment:

Dublin North Central’s Finian McGrath sought adjournment of Dáil Éireann on Thursday “to discuss an issue of national importance and concern, namely, the urgent need to build and develop Ireland’s relationship with Cuba, calling on the Irish Government to support an end to the blockade at European and United Nations level, and welcoming to Ireland this week Victor Dreke Cruz, the veteran of the Bay of Pigs and deputy chairman of the Association of Combatants of the Cuban Revolution. I hope the Tánaiste will raise this issue for me.”

Then, to emphasise his point, Finian shouted: “Viva Che!”

Cue Jerry Buttimer: “And get a few cigars as well.”

No shortage of takers for FF redundancy package:

The harsh reality of life in opposition is hitting home in Fianna Fáil. As Fine Gael and Labour are recruiting all around them, a much-reduced Fianna Fáil is restructuring, and staff have been offered a redundancy package in an effort to cut costs.

The organisation employs around 30 people between its Mount Street headquarters, Leinster House and regional offices. The party is not commenting on the redundancy plan, saying that it is an internal matter.

However, it is understood that it is looking to shed around half of its operation, with up to 15 jobs set to go. The first takers are expected to leave by the end of next month. This will not be difficult to achieve, with sources reporting that the package is already oversubscribed.

Fianna Fáil has always run a tight operation, but with their changed circumstances they have been forced to cut their operating costs to the bone.

Sean Dorgan, long-serving party general secretary, remains at the helm.

But it’s not all bad news on the jobs front . . .

*  Congratulations to former Fine Gael deputy for Offaly, Olwyn Enright, who has started a new job with Edelman PR.

Olwyn, who is married to Joe McHugh, Fine Gael TD for Donegal North-East, stepped down from politics at the last election for family reasons. She is the mother of two children under the age of two. When announcing her decision not to contest the election, she said she had agonised over the move but decided politics did not allow her enough time to devote to her family.

The former Fine Gael education spokeswoman has joined the Public Affairs division of Edelman, where she will be working with Jim Glennon, the former Fianna Fáil TD for Dublin North, who is chairman of the company and leads its Public Affairs division.

The tweets have it:

Congratulations to Daniel English, ever-helpful press officer with the Oireachtas Communications unit, on his recent wedding to Catherine. They are on their honeymoon in Japan. He was off to Disneyland yesterday. Isn’t the Twitter great?

He tweeted the following on Tuesday: “Just experienced a 5.5 Richter scale quake here in Tokyo. A bit scary. At least the wife can’t say the earth didn’t move on honeymoon.”

Doubtless, Daniel will be following the Seanad election count next week. The Houses of the Oireachtas will provide comprehensive coverage of the results, and when each member is elected, the result will be posted on seanadcount.ie and tweeted on @oireachtasnews.

Another tweeting traveller is Dick Morris, who was for many years one of Bill Clinton’s closest political advisers (he’s credited with inventing “triangulation” and “the third way”). Dick is in Ireland on his holidays at the moment, and he’s been regaling his followers with details of lunches at Ballymaloe and Cafe Paradiso.

He was doing the Ring of Kerry yesterday.

One tweet stands out from

his Irish sojourn: “Off to Ireland with Eileen on vacation. Will tweet from that beautiful country now ruled by the right after the left screwed up its finances.”

Shurely shome mishtake.