Men think too small when it comes to sexy underwear

IT WAS billed as a men only hour, to encourage the shy sex to throw off their inhibitions about buying sexy underwear. But by the time sports presenter Des Cahill got the show under way, half the crowd squeezed into the Contour shop in the St Stephen's Green shopping centre appeared to be women.

You knew for definite they were women when they didn't try to cover their faces every time the newspaper cameras flashed. Another strong clue was that they didn't have any trouble keeping their eyes in their sockets as near naked female models paraded past within inches of their faces.

With the coolness under pressure that marks out the great sports broadcasters, Des Cahill said things like "rose pink suspenders" and "underwired bra and pants" as if he were describing the duller moments of a scoreless draw in Richmond Park. Indeed, where possible, everything was described in terms of football, which was useful in the circumstances because football provides most men with what they have in the way of morals.

Among the stars of yesterday's show were the wonderbra and the ultrabra, which Des could have described, but didn't, as the Liverpool and Manchester United of breast support. They were shown in black and white, but we were told most women prefer white. "So think Leeds United next time, lads," said Des.

By this stage, many in the audience were wearing rose pink faces and underwired briefs, so nobody said anything.

In the quieter moments, shop manager Helen Macey explained some of the pitfalls of giving sexy underwear to your woman. Basically, men have a Henry Ford approach - you can have any colour you like so long as it's black. The women on the receiving end are then back in the shop after Christmas, trading in their Model Ts for something in white, peach or cream.

The second mistake is that men have no idea what size their partners are. "All the men seem to opt for size 12 or less, suggesting there are no larger size women in Dublin," said Helen.

This confusion is understandable, because there were no larger size models in yesterday's show either. But surely the male penchant for buying size 12 or less is just part of the same pathetic optimism that makes a man a Leeds United supporter all his life.

The show ended with what was described as "a sexy red satin number, edged with white". Cruelly, this proved to be a Manchester United strip, and for most of the audience it had the effect of a cold shower.

Men were understandably reluctant to comment on the record afterwards. "Very good, very interesting," said one man in a trenchcoat. He declined to identify himself.