ASK THE EXPERT:Small children are notoriously fickle eaters but you can help them make healthier choices by buying only the foods you are happy for them to eat
MY THREE year old has a great appetite and loves to eat fruit, cheese, yoghurt and such like but over the past year he has become a very fussy eater at dinner times.
He used to eat the same dinner as the rest of us and loved mash, vegetables and meat in various forms but he started to say no to these dinners and I foolishly gave in and started letting him eat what he wanted just to have him eat something.
Now the problem is that he won’t eat any other dinner except for things like potato waffles, fish fingers and spaghetti shapes. How can I get him to start eating a healthy balanced dinner again?
My concern is that when I do give him the same dinner as us and he turns away from it, that he will go to bed hungry. Any suggestions you may have would be a huge help.
Small children are notoriously fickle eaters. They often go through fads or fashions with the kinds of food they seem to like or dislike. Even one-time-favourite foods can fall out of favour. While this usually has little impact on their health, growth or development, it does play havoc with our meal times and meal planning.
What you describe is that your son has shifted into a habit of eating particular kinds of foods and rejecting others. He doesn’t seem to have any medical aversion or allergy to some foods, he is just choosing not to eat them. I would guess that if you became firmer with the kinds of dinner you are willing to cook and stopped cooking (or even buying!) the waffles, fish fingers and spaghetti shapes then he would have to start making new choices.
I am not suggesting that you starve him, but rather only make available (in plentiful supply) those foods that you would like him to eat. Planning meals that offer choices (eg to have a sauce or not or to have one but not all vegetables) might make things easier.
If he decides not to eat some or all of a meal that you have prepared, then that is okay. It is also okay for him to eat other foods, because you can ensure that the only foods in the house are those that you are happy for him to eat.
You don’t have to be dictatorial or cruel in your determination to cook only certain foods. You can still be warm and light-hearted with him about the fact that his choices are now to eat it or not. Indeed, the more calm and relaxed you stay about food and eating, the easier he will find the process. If you make food into a big issue then it could become the source of much rowing and distress. You may choose to take the focus off food at meal times by focusing instead on the social and family aspect of the meal. Ensure that he sits with the whole family and engage him in chat, letting him observe you eating and being relaxed about the foods on offer.
If you stay consistent and calm he will, in due course, most likely decide to eat what is on offer.
I was recently informed that my 14-month-old girl bit another child in creche. I am obviously very worried and embarrassed about this as we are friends with the parents of the child who was bitten. She is teething at the moment, so perhaps that is a factor, however she doesn’t bite either myself or my husband at home.
I don’t really know how I can help her understand that such behaviour is unacceptable. She is our first child, but we are expecting another baby in the autumn so I would like to try to address the issue as early as possible.
In many ways it is a good thing that it was your friend’s child who was bitten as they are likely to be more understanding.
There is no need to be embarrassed by your daughter’s biting behaviour; lots of wobblers and toddlers will have a phase of biting. The key is for you or her creche leader to give a very firm verbal message “no biting” as soon as you observe her either actually biting or obviously about to bite. Make sure your face looks stern and that your tone of voice is authoritative and unambiguous in the message that you are not happy about the biting.
Then, as you are saying “no biting”, move her out of reach of the child who was just bitten or about to be bitten. Offer sympathy to the bitten child while your daughter is still out of reach. Once the other child is consoled you can let them both go back to playing.
There is no need to punish wobblers or toddlers for biting. Usually the biting is a reflex-type reaction to a frustration with the other child or person. All they need to learn is that they are not allowed to bite. Swift and firm responses like I have suggested above are enough.
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist and broadcaster with RTÉ television
Readers’ queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence.
Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irishtimes.com