The power of self-knowledge and awareness

Wynneing Ways: Psychologist Stephen J

Wynneing Ways: Psychologist Stephen J. Stein says, "Knowledge is power - and self- knowledge is premium power that leads to successful emotional management."

Emotional self-awareness is crucial for success in every sphere of life. Why? Because if you don't know how you feel and why you feel as you do, you are not in control of your life.

You understand best what you have experienced. How can you fully appreciate a trait unless you experience its impact on yourself and have some understanding of how it affects others?

If you want co-operation from your family or colleagues, you must know the experience of co-operation and understand the issues and problems created by lack of it.

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If you have a perception of what it means to be helpful and dependable that is not shared by your co-workers, you may be alienating people with behaviour that is intended to help.

People respond to what they believe is true. We are all fine-tuned to discover evidence that confirms and supports our beliefs and perceptions.

Reality testing is one of the major challenges for policemen interviewing witnesses to a car accident. People who are not lying will give radically different accounts of what they believe happened.

Each person will give a true version according to his or her experience. This is because we have values and beliefs that have a powerful impact on our perceptions, whether we are aware of them or not.

When you take time to become aware of the inner dialogue you engage in with yourself, you discover the beliefs that are responsible for your feelings and actions.

Dr Albert Ellis's great contribution to 20th century psychology was to show how we can modify and change our feelings by means of logical and deductive reasoning. He illustrated how the unconscious mind plays a part in everything we think and believe.

Imagine you are sitting in a cinema and in front you see a young couple. Suddenly the woman stands up, smacks the man across the face and leaves by the nearest exit.

Everyone who sees that couple will have a response that reflects their life experiences.

A social worker feels excited and wishes that some of her timid clients could see an assertive woman stand up for herself and challenge the unacceptable behaviour of a male companion.

A teenage boy feels angry with the young women for creating a scene and embarrassing the man in public. A middle-aged man feels sad and wants the young man to go after the woman and apologise.

Each person responds emotionally to his or her own perception of what happened and not to reality. People make assumptions all the time about the behaviour and intentions of others.

They then respond emotionally to what they believe is true, which almost always reflects their own life experiences.

The ability to 'read' situations accurately and size up what's going on is a great asset for perceiving opportunities or anticipating problems. In business the person with the capacity to 'tune in' to the shifting currents of political alliances and allegiances has the edge.

Self-awareness, empathy and reality testing complement each other. Some highly successful professional people lack self-knowledge.

A high achiever may appear outwardly confident, yet unconsciously engage in negative self-talk that creates feelings of insecurity. Enjoyment of achievements is sabotaged by lack of awareness.

When you become aware of the internal dialogue that guides your choices, you can learn to challenge assumptions and examine the evidence for what you believe.

Awareness of what you are thinking and feeling brings clarity and focus. The boss who fails to notice when staff are stressed has a compromised ability to manage people.

A person may be gifted intellectually and possess detailed knowledge and expertise yet lack sensitivity. Colleagues find it impossible to work with him or her.

Your true potential lies within a seed that contains all the qualities to become magnificent. Your beliefs nurture or restrict its growth.

Beliefs can encourage you to develop your true potential or sabotage your efforts with negativity. What you believe is true of you becomes true. Self-knowledge is power.