THE TRAGIC death of boxer Darren Sutherland has once again opened the Pandora's Box of young male suicide in Ireland, particularly in the 15-35 age groups, writes HARRY BARRY
It is the fear of so many parents, both expressed and on many occasions unexpressed. Many feel utterly helpless in the face of a stream of young lives lost to suicide. Will they recognise in time the symptoms of emotional distress in their adolescent and young adult sons?
Are there high risk times they should be particularly looking out for? Will they be able to access help if such situations develop? Darren’s death shows that success, fame and fortune certainly do not protect us from the world of emotional distress.
Interestingly, a number of high profile American football players at the height of their careers recently admitted publicly the devastating effects of depression in their lives and how some had come close to suicide.
Suicide devastates the lives of those left behind, leaving a host of unanswered questions and often a lifetime of grief, guilt and hurt. Many feel they should have picked up on the distress and are upset that their loved ones couldn’t find a way to open up to them.
Why are young men in Ireland so distressed that this is the only course left open to them? It is a question I have pondered over much.
We can answer it at two levels – the first relates to mental health and alcohol; the second to the twin concepts of resilience and dislocation within our society.
The most common mental health issue is depression (although addiction and schizophrenia can play a role in some cases). We know that stress is the most prevalent trigger and that depression commonly appears in the late teens and 20s.
Females are twice as likely to develop it, but because they are hardwired in the womb to have better connections between emotional and logic centres in the brain, they are more likely to communicate their distress. Men in emotional distress talk to themselves whereas women talk to each other.
Many with depression will develop suicidal thoughts: “I am a burden on everybody, of no value and not only will I not be missed, but my absence will remove the burden on those close to me. The pain will be finally over.”
In most cases, these are simply fleeting thoughts; but in some the negative internal dialogue leads to actual planning, and it is at this point the person is very much at risk and in need of urgent help.
Alcohol plays a key role in many male suicides. If (as is more common than we may realise) we start to drink even in modest amounts before the age of 15, we are six times more likely to develop depression later in our lives. This is due to the delicate nature of brain development at that phase.
Alcohol (along with some illegal drugs) also can lead to short severe drops in mood, either immediately or within a 24-hour period following a binge. It also neutralises the logical brain’s self-survival control system – exposing us to the dangers of self- harm.
It is being increasingly recognised that “resilience” probably lies at the heart of anxiety, depression and risks of suicide. This relates to our innate ability to deal with stress in our lives.
There is a strong body of evidence building up that some of us, through genes and upbringing, are protected or at risk of the above. In my own book, I discuss the resilience gene and how it can be switched on or off by environmental influences as we are growing and developing into young adults.
If we are exposed to too much stress at critical times (ie abuse, bullying, major loss), or – in my opinion a much more common occurrence – we are overprotected as children when growing up, then we are much less resilient as young males to cope with life’s adversity.
We don’t problem solve as well as we should, and we become more anxious, distressed and likely to get into emotional difficulties when exposed to stress.
Dislocation is a concept that I have reflected on much in relation to young Irish men.
This can relate firstly to the movements of young people away from home, with its support systems, to colleges and new places of employment. I advise parents to keep a special eye on young men going to college for the first time.
Loneliness and the difficulties of coping with new challenges make this a high-risk time for depression and other emotional problems. Watch for the symptoms of fatigue, poor concentration, falling behind in studies, excessive drinking, weight loss and seeming loss of enjoyment of routine pleasures.
In sport, dislocation can easily occur as the drive to be successful can be so stressful that our emotional world can be overlooked, and loneliness and depression can follow. In the most recent tragedy, one has to wonder if dislocation from the family-type atmosphere of amateur boxing to a colder, distant professional climate in London may have played a part.
Dislocation can also relate to being poorly rooted in the nourishing soil of community, belief systems and good personal and sexual relationships. Many men are struggling to find a meaningful role for themselves in our immature adolescent nation, with its myriad of social, political and economic conundrums.
I also feel that an excessive relationship with technology in all its forms is increasing dislocation in young men.
Suicide is ugly. There are no winners – just families left in sorrow for the rest of their lives.
If anyone reading this is in a dark space and suicide seems the only way out, please reach out to someone close who you feel you can trust.
We are all special and unique – and really important to those we love. There is another way, and starting the journey by opening up to our distress is the first step.
- Dr Harry Barry is a GP based in Co Louth. He is the author of two books on depression and anxiety. His latest book, Flagging the Therapy, Pathways Out of Depression and Anxiety, is published by Liberties Press.