ASK THE EXPERT:Childcare choices are among the biggest worries that parents have to face, writes David Coleman
I AM A first-time mother of a five-month-old boy. I am due to return to work full-time in October, and am currently looking into childcare options. I am not inclined to put him into a creche at this stage and have been looking for a childminder.
This morning I visited a childminder who proposes to take care of my son in her own home. She is very well qualified having worked with children for many years in creches and as a nanny, and has all the relevant childcare training.
The thing that is bothering me is that she has her own child who is roughly the same age as my child. She would be taking care of them both together in her home. This is her first time doing childminding from her own home.
Today when we visited, I found her to be very nice, although she paid very little attention to my child during our discussions about the position of childminder. The fact that she would also be minding her own child had been on my mind prior to meeting her, and maybe I am just very conscious about it.
Could you give me any advice with this and/or general advice with what I should look out for? Am I wrong to close my mind to the creche option? Would he be better with a childminder who is taking care of other children or on his own?
The anxiety and indecision that you are expressing in relation to the choice of childcare makes a lot of sense to me, as finding the right place for your baby to be minded is a big deal. Choosing childcare is often one of the most significant decisions that parents have to make on behalf of their children.
The good news for you is that at least you have a choice. And while the array of options is not exactly bewildering, it does require very serious consideration. No matter what choice you make you can always keep an eye to see how things go and be guided by your baby.
If your baby seems significantly distressed and unsettled over a period of time, it is okay to change your childcare arrangements.
Properly run and accredited creches are always worth considering. One of the benefits of a creche is that all of the staff will have relevant childcare qualifications, and the facilities must meet stringent standards as set down by the HSE.
By their nature, creches are always available and you won't have to worry about your childminder getting sick or wanting to go away on holidays, thereby leaving you with a potential childcare dilemma.
Against that, however, some babies and children can feel overwhelmed by the level of social activity where there are very many children being cared for. Also, depending on how the creche and the staff shifts are organised, you may not always get consistent care from the same staff member for your baby.
You already seem to be leaning in favour of a childminder. The person you have identified sounds as if they have great experience and professional knowledge, which of course is reassuring when you're entrusting your child to their care.
My guess is it's quite hard to find a childminder who isn't looking after at least one other child, if not more, alongside your own. If you really want individual care for your child then perhaps you should seek an experienced and qualified nanny or childminder who can come in to mind your baby, alone, in your home.
In the specific circumstances that you describe of the childminder having their own similar age baby to look after, I think you're right to be a little wary. I don't think it is necessarily a reason to not let your child be minded there, but it is good to recognise that having two six-month-old babies to look after is a very significant task.
As many parents of twins will testify, having two babies of the same age doesn't just double the workload, it can seem to exponentially increase it. Having your baby's emotional needs met in the context of your minder perhaps unconsciously favouring her own child is another potential worry for you.
On the other hand, given the level of experience and knowledge that your potential childminder has, she may well be able to juggle all of the needs of both babies very effectively and lovingly.
Perhaps it might be best to talk explicitly to her about how she anticipates looking after the two. I think she will easily understand your anxieties, and may be able to put your mind at ease. Also, once it is named as a possible issue you can more easily raise it again if it does become problematic in the future.
• David Coleman is a clinical psychologist, author and broadcaster with RTÉ television
• Readers' queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irish-times.ie