THE BIGGER PICTURE Shalini SinhaEveryone has fear. It's everywhere. It permeates through a lot of our entertainment, political rhetoric, even philosophies. And, it's the single greatest thing stopping us in our lives from doing the things we've dreamt of and shining as we were meant to do.
There is a purpose to fear. It seems first to be instilled by some incredible experience. It would have aimed to shock us into action. We were to fight or flee, take action.
Strangely enough, however, fear carries on for most of us. Long after the initial astonishing moment has passed, it replays itself again and again in our lives. Even more strangely, while it may have been something absolutely extraordinary that evoked fear in the first place, very mundane things seem to feed it in our present, paralysing us slowly.
What most of us struggle with today is not the shock of fear, but what's left over from it. If fear wasn't processed well enough in the moment - if we didn't take action, reclaim our power and heal the emotional fallout - then it eats into our lives on a regular basis. We defer to it in anticipation of feeling it again - of being hurt, rejected or being made to believe we were bad. Our fear experienced on daily basis seems to be less about shock and more about having been left feeling inadequate and losing touch with how powerful, inspiring and able we are.
In real terms, fear is nothing. It is just a feeling, a glimpse, and nothing tangible.
There is, indeed, no failure to be worried about, as failure itself is only a point of view.
Concentrating on fears and failure can seduce us into a habit of honouring the very things that disempower us and places where we feel bad about ourselves, even when other points of view are possible. It is the beginning of really losing perspective. No wonder it stops us dead in our tracks.
It is ironic that while fear may have been meant to launch us into action, the continual nurturing of our fear seems to grind us to a halt. Getting our attention away from fears, however, is not easy. Although there is a lot of material out there to tell us of the benefits of thinking positively, there seems to be more to the problem than will yield to simple thought training. We need the assistance and love of others to really heal our emotional hurts and let go of fear in our lives. And we need a plan of action.
There is no doubt that getting into action helps.
When conscious decisions are made and actions taken, there can be nothing that is interpreted as failure - the only real failure being to give up living at all. Getting up to do something - anything at all, giving your best shot - is in itself a success, and the absolute first step required to generate greater successes.
That is living. Life is about being in motion, doing things. It is a process more than an end. Any "ends" that we are aspiring towards are really just moments we hope we will enjoy. However, each of these can be built into another, and we can create a series of satisfying moments that we experience as life.
Focusing on one action after another, what's going well and where all these pieces are taking us is greatly motivating.
It is also possible to embrace and appreciate those unexpected experiences that appeared along the way.
Rather than being moments of fear or failure, it is in these times that we can really learn, grow and become something greater than we were.
These moments are the real gems in our lives. We needn't believe that they must overwhelm or debilitate us. This includes every bad feeling we've ever had about ourselves.
It helps to get systematic and organised here. There's no use being flattened every time an old feeling comes up to tell you you're not good enough.
Instead, pay it some constructive attention: notice what triggered it, what thoughts have grown up to validate it, and how ridiculous they are. Share it with a good friend who sees nothing but love for you.
Have a laugh with it. Most importantly, track it. Write it down. Notice how often and when it comes up.
When you systematically develop your awareness for it, you get the chance to make decisions around it.
It is at this point that you can think of your strengths and remember your dreams.
There is no doubt it takes love and support to get your attention off all the reasons why you should be stopped in our tracks.
That love, more than anything, needs to come from inside you. Decide what you want, in small steps, and take action. Slowly, there will come a time when you can look back in appreciation for the things you've done that brought you to this point, and enjoy what you've created as your present.
ssinha@irish-times.ie
Shalini Sinha has worked as a life coach and counsellor and presents the intercultural programme Mono on RTÉ Television. She has a BA in anthropology and an MA in women's studies.