THAT'S MEN:Studies confirm dads' involvement is crucial, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN
STUDIES UNDERLINING the huge importance of involvement by fathers, including living-away fathers, in the upbringing of their children continue to appear. I was particularly intrigued by one study, though, which showed the value of a good relationship between mothers and fathers for the future prospects of boys.
In the study, published in the journal Child Development, 265 mothers and sons from poorer families in Pennsylvania were tracked throughout the sons’ childhood years and into their adolescence.
If boys had a difficult temperament as toddlers the relationship with the mother tended to become less close as time went on. Where this conflict continued, there was a greater chance that the boys would end up in trouble with the law in adolescence.
One important factor that made a difference was a good relationship between the mother and her “romantic partner”, who I expect was usually, but not always, the child’s father. If this relationship was good, then the mothers tended to be closer to their sons. Where the relationship with the mother was close, the boys were better at making friends as teenagers and less likely to get into trouble.
This piece of research is interesting because it suggests that the quality of the relationship between the two adults can make for a good and lasting influence on the lives of children.
In other words, instead of focusing exclusively on the child’s behaviour, everybody might also benefit if the mother and her partner focus on improving their relationship with each other. See bit.ly/conflictkids for more.
The other study that caught my eye was conducted by researchers at Concordia University in Montreal.
They found that children’s academic performance and general behaviour were better where fathers were involved in their upbringing – these included fathers who were not living in the family home.
If the father was involved in setting boundaries on the children’s behaviour and helping them to make use of their time – things that involved parents do every day – then the children were better at solving problems and their emotional health was also better.
Fathers’ involvement is especially important for girls, the research suggests. In particular, if the father was absent from the girl’s life during middle childhood, roughly six to 12 years of age, then the girl was likely to have greater emotional problems.
The importance of these pieces of research is that far from attacking fathers who live apart from their families, we should acknowledge that these men can play a crucial role in the futures of their children.
It seems to me that some fathers underestimate their own importance when they are living apart from their children. In my experience, the majority of mothers raising children on their own are anxious for involvement by the father.
Mothers who use their children as cannon fodder in their ongoing conflict with the father are in a small minority. See bit.ly/involvedads for more on the Montreal study.
Addendum: last week I wondered if anybody knew the meaning of the word “paddling” in the context of a boast made by a local guy when I was a teenager to the effect that he had been “paddling with a wan” up in Dublin for part of the weekend.
Only one reader has been able to throw anything approaching light on the subject. He suggests that the definition of the term “paddling out” in the Urban Dictionary might suggest what was going on during that lost weekend.
But I’m doubtful: “paddling out” refers to the plural and not the singular and could such things really have been happening in Dublin while we were saying our prayers down in Kildare? What things? I’m sorry but I’m afraid you’ll have to look it up yourself at urbandictionary.com as such things cannot be openly referred to in a respectable newspaper even in the digital (that’s a clue) age.
Padraig O’Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is accredited as a counsellor by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book, Light Mind – Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas.