Going Dutch

HEARTBREAK HOTEL:Arrive together, leave alone – this 'divorce hotel' helps couples take the pain out of splitting up, writes BRIAN BOYD

THE STAFF OF the Carlton Ambassador Hotel in The Hague, Netherlands, are instructed never to enquire of guests if they enjoyed their stay and are strictly forbidden from saying: “We hope to see you again”.

Such seemingly inhospitable strictures are in place because the pleasant and comfortable four-star Carlton Ambassador also doubles up as a “divorce hotel”. Guests arrives together but sleep in separate rooms and at the end of a two-day process they have successfully untied the knot.

The idea of bringing divorcing couples together to a relaxed hotel atmosphere so they can arrange all the necessary legal documentation is primarily to save on expensive legal fees. Typically, a Dutch divorce runs into a five-figure sum (the last thing you need to be added to your marital woes), but if the two of you sit down in the company of trained professionals to agree on alimony payments, property splits and visitation rights, you can bypass most of the bills and save yourself a few months of your time.

At certain pre-arranged times during the year, this Heartbreak Hotel lays on, as part of the “Divorce Package” (what else can you call it?) a team of trained mediators and lawyers to ease the painful process.

The Carlton Ambassador is just one of various high-end boutiques around the Netherlands which offer the service – and the feedback so far from couples availing of this legal fast-track is that, in times of austerity, the substantial savings that apparently can be made more than outweigh the weirdness factor of booking a weekend break-up in a hotel.

Upon check-out all the couple have to do, to satisfy Dutch law, is to present all the completed paperwork to a judge. One couple who happily used the Divorce Package told a TV station (anonymously): “When we were not in the hotel discussing arrangements, we were going out in the city and having a bite to eat and having a drink – and actually a few laughs as well.” They make it all sound like a romantic break-up.

The entrepreneur behind the idea, Dutch businessman Jim Halfens, says you can’t just arrive at the reception desk looking for a divorce.

Couples have to apply to use the process and are rigorously screened beforehand by the divorce team. Couples who aren’t on speaking terms or are still in the very loud shouting-at- each-other stage of their split are typically not allowed to avail of the service.

The process works best for those who are aware of the potential large-scale fallout damage caused by divorce but desperately want something approaching a “normal” split. Ideally, you’re talking cordially to each other, are prepared to sit around a negotiating table and will put in the effort to reach mutually acceptable terms.

It absolutely isn’t the case that you just go to the Carlton Ambassador’s website and click on the Divorce Package offer – because there isn’t one advertised. The process is not taken lightly by any one involved in the service. Ironically, under its packages tab, last week the Carlton was publicising, alongside a Coldplay concert package, a “Valentine’s Day Treat”.

One of the trained mediators at the Carlton Ambassador, Anne Marie Van As, has said of the Divorce Package: “Today, more and more is known about the damaging effects of a fighting divorce, so a concept which binds mediation with a comfortable environment in a relatively short space of time in which a divorce can be finalised is a brilliant concept.”

The hotel’s sales manager reports that couples “mainly” sleep in separate rooms (never has the word “mainly” been used so significantly, one thinks) and that staff do keep a closer eye on them – but without ever intruding.

Following the success of the Dutch model, hotels in Germany and the US are now actively looking at including this atypical service.

Already, plans are in an advance state to screen a reality TV show in the US about what happens during the two-day hotel Divorce Package. And let’s be honest – who wouldn’t be glued to that?