Your teacher should know

DO TEACHERS want to know, or need to know, what's going on in your child's life? In these days of "parent power" and closer links between home and school, you might think this isn't even an issue. But the gap between parents and teachers can still be wide.

Mary, a single mother, confided in one sympathetic teacher about the problems she was having with her son. She was told: "It wouldn't be a good idea to tell the other teachers, they would label him".

Clare was shocked to discover that her daughter's principal didn't know about a devastating family bereavement - some months after she had asked the child's teacher to keep an eye on her.

The relationship between home and school can be more complex and sensitive than might first appear. Many parents carry the baggage of their own school experiences with them, and are thus afraid to initiate discussion with teachers or principals. Many would be open to confiding in schools if they got a clear, welcoming signal that this is what their children's teachers want. Others believe that family business should be kept private.

Fionnuala Kilfeather of the National Parents' Council (Primary) says that parents and teachers alike need to consider what is in the child's best interest. She is in no doubt, she says, that a close relationship between the school and the parent is vital: "Research worldwide shows that children's learning, behaviour, wellbeing and happiness improves when parents and teachers are seen to work together on their behalf.

"This is very much an issue at the moment, and parents' experiences are very mixed. Some schools are very good on information, communication and building good home school relationships. Others are frankly, appalling.

Good schools will make it clear that they welcome parents. Many, for example, will have a group meeting for parents before their four or five year old starts school to tell parents what to expect and to clear up misunderstandings that might arise due to lack of information.

Ideally, teachers of all classes could have meetings like this for parents at the start of the school year to talk about what's happening, about issues like homework and how home and school can work together. Parents' committees could organise such meetings, so as not to burden teachers with the extra work.

Individual problems can't be discussed at such general meetings, of course; however, teachers and principals could make it clear at this point that they want to be informed about major events in a child's life. Most do, Kilfeather says - and parents will be more likely to confide in teachers in a school that makes its welcome for them clear.

"If parents are separating, for example, most teachers will want to know. Teachers are professionals, who will keep confidences," she says.

The reason for telling is simple: knowing will help teachers to understand and be sympathetic to any changes in a child's performance or behaviour.

Nick Killian of the NPC (PostPrimary) agrees that most teachers do want to know about their pupils' home lives, because it can help teachers to deal with their problems - problems that can be serious.

At second level, according to guidance counsellor Breeda Coyle, such problems include anorexia, depression, pregnancy, alcohol and other substance abuse, separating parents, the difficulties of coming out as gay, suicidal thoughts and more.

Not all subject teachers will want to grapple with these problems, but school counsellors and tutors (teachers with overall responsibility for one class) should. Killian believes it all depends on the principal's attitude towards parents. If parents are to feel welcomed by schools, principals need to spell out an "open door" policy on their open nights to encourage home school communication.

Of course, not all schools have an open attitude at all - "some, for example, regard parents' associations as just being there for fundraising," Killian says.

Every school should have a home school liaison teacher, he says. At the moment, these posts are provided only in schools in what are called areas of disadvantage.

PARENTS themselves have to take some initiative. One guidance counsellor says that many parents don't provide crucial information even when given a direct opportunity: her school gets parents to fill in a fairly lengthy document providing information about their children - and many don't report the most relevant facts.

Large class sizes and increasing social problems throw all sorts of burdens on teachers. At second level, there just aren't enough counsellors to cope with the practical and emotional problems of their pupils. Coyle, who is an executive member of the Institute of Guidance Counsellors, believes the ratio should be one counsellor for every 250 pupils, not every 700 plus, as at present.

Parent involvement should ultimately ease, not add to, those burdens. If you feel confiding in a teacher might help your child, you should approach someone his class teacher or principal in primary school, her class tutor or guidance counsellor at second level - and tell - them about your concerns.