DECKED out in Communion finery, they scramble around adventure playgrounds, or spin a ball down a bowling alley. In hotels all over the country, boys in waistcoats and girls in fancy white dresses play games while their proud parents and grandparents linger over coffee and dessert.

Yet many families spend far too much money on celebrating their child's First Communion. But whether we are sensible or splash out, whether our little girls are dressed as the traditional minibride or not, whether we bring everyone out to a restaurant for a festive meal or not, we all mark it as a special day.

Essentially, that is because it is an event that draws extended families and communities together, not simply to mark an important religious occasion, but also to celebrate their children and themselves. And it would be a pity if we lost sight of that in the middle of annual debates about commercialisation, what to wear and how much to spend.

Not that this appears likely: hotels, children's entertainment centres and clothes shops all confirm that their First Communion business is booming, even though anecdotal evidence suggests that the Communion frenzy of the last decade is beginning to calm down.

Deirdre Geoghegan, the county secretary for Clare of the National Parents' Council (Primary), knows that many parents are still adamant about wanting the traditional white dress First Communion - but says they have reined in on other excesses. "It had gone to a ridiculous stage some years back; when my 15 year old made his First Communion, every mother except me appeared in a designer outfit - if it didn't have a label, forget it. And everyone but us was going out to eat. But at a recent Confirmation here, 50 per cent were not going out to eat."

The Communion dress versus school uniform debate is a hot topic in Ennis, where she lives, with the majority of parents still opting for the white dress. The issue got another heated airing on local radio after Bishop Willie Walsh said he felt first Communicants should wear their school uniforms.

Says Deirdre: "I remember the first time we had this debate in our all girls school; half the mothers were disgusted at the idea of the children wearing uniforms. It's the doll thing really, it's the only chance to dress their daughters up.

But even parents who favour the white dress are beginning to cop on, realising it's daft to spend large amounts on an outfit that may never be worn again. Ennis has a Somalia second hand clothes shop (a version of the Oxfam shops), says Deirdre, and mothers are beginning to look there for Communion dresses. It makes a lot of sense: you could buy a second hand dress from between £10 and £40. This year, the price of new Communion dresses started at £70, with many priced at around £120 plus.

DEIRDRE believes that what a child wears for the First Communion should be up to the parents. That was more or less the view taken by the parents at St Anne's School in Shankill, Co Dublin, where three years ago they introduced the option of wearing an alb over clothes of the parents' own choice.

Now 60 per cent of parents opt for the alb, supplied by the parents' association, while the other 40 per cent wear the traditional white dress. But doesn't this lead to classroom competition?

Richard Cotter, the principal, acknowledges that some children might have reservations about the alb, but come First Communion day it doesn't really matter. "On the day, there's a positive happy dynamic that's uplifts all the kids.

This school and parish have solved the what to wear problem to everyone's satisfaction: "Each parent has her own reason for her decision and we don't question her. One way or another, it's her own business."

St Anne's is an excellent example of a school which cherishes both the religious and social significance of this day: like many parishes around the country, it works out how the day will be organised between parish, school, and parents. (Watch out for the introduction of Sunday First Communions next year - to accommodate many parents who work on Saturdays, says a spokesman for the Dublin Diocese.)

There are 550 boys and girls in this suburban south Dublin school, and 20 teachers. Meetings held for parents of Communion (and Confirmation) children in the months before the Sacraments are well attended, a sign of community involvement that Cotter regards as encouraging.

He believes using the alb high lights the spiritual significance of the day, but welcomes the social side too. After the children have made their First Communion, they and their families go back to the school for breakfast, around noon. "For this and Confirmation day, the community, the teachers, clergy, and families really are one," says Richard Cotter.

Most of the families are gone by 1 p.m., he says, many to eat out in restaurants and hotels in Bray, Wicklow, and south Co Dublin. After that, like families all over the country, most will make the traditional visits to aunts, uncles, and neighbours before heading off to any of the wide variety of entertainment centres available to children living in Dublin and other cities.

A spokesman for Fort Lucan, in Lucan, Co Dublin, confirms it gets lots of family parties around this time of year - with a surprising number of the girls still wearing their frocks which, he says, is not advisable. But showing off in your new Communion gear is a vital part of the whole business of dressing up, and on Saturdays in May you will meet bevies of First Communicants in bowling alleys, cinemas, play centres, and yes, the zoo, still one of the most popular places for the post First Communion outing in Dublin.

In towns and villages in rural areas it is quite usual for families to go out at night to a local hotel, where parents meet for drinks while children - First Communicants included - play together.

THE cost of the day? It could be as little as the price of a ham and turkey to feed your guests at home, plus the cost of a simple outing - about £15 for a day at the zoo, or an hour's family bowling, with maybe £20 to £30 put aside for a few drinks in the evening. A meal out, usually in a hotel, could add up to £60 for two adults and three children.

The only major expense comes in the choice of clothes, and it is true that outfitting a little girl can easily cost £100, or even £200, once you're included shoes (£20 to £30), headdress (£20 to £30), bags (from £8.95), gloves (£6.50) and umbrella (£10.95).

Ennis' Somalia shop suddenly seems like a very good idea.