A grey decor echoes mood of faithful

The grey backdrop to the podium at the weekend's Alliance Party conference in Bangor, Co Down, did not bode well

The grey backdrop to the podium at the weekend's Alliance Party conference in Bangor, Co Down, did not bode well. Its "People First" motto in dark-grey letters was lacking in visionary qualities.

The speeches from the men on the podium, with hair and suits in shades of grey, were well meaning but hardly inspiring.

The party leader, Mr Sean Neeson, delivered a less than passion-stirring concluding remark to his hour-long speech: "The future of centre politics in Northern Ireland is both exciting and challenging and I want to lead from the front." The applause was hesitant, although it quickly and dutifully developed into a two-minute standing ovation.

Still, it was nice to see that all this political correctness had not completely perverted human nature. Alliance delegates lapped up biting attacks on Dr Paisley's Democratic Unionist Party.

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Mr Neeson's observation on how much the DUP really loved Stormont ("You know, they can't wait to get their feet under their ministerial tables; even their backbenchers are in love with the place and the image of themselves in it") earned hearty laughter. A sarcastic attack on the UK Unionist leader, Mr Bob McCartney ("He is an eminent QC, you know") went down equally well.

And just for good measure Ms Eileen Bell, an Assembly member, made a blistering attack on the "baby barristers" of the Ulster Unionist Party. The delegates loved it.

On the whole, however, one could not help but notice an "aren't-we-lucky-we-are-so-civilised" attitude. The party's treasurer seemed almost embarrassed to appeal for donations ("It's hard when you haven't got your own racketeering branch") and the bucket used was a discreet dark-green, upmarket model.

Delegates were invited to visit a fringe exhibition in a hotel suite. Nothing too "fringy", of course: exhibitors included bona-fide PC exhibitors such as Amnesty International, the Chinese Welfare Association and that hotbed of trade-union radicalism, the Ulster Teachers' Union.

The Alliance president, Dr Philip McGarry, cracked the mandatory Drumcree joke ("The only traditional route on the Twelfth is that to the ports and airports"), referring to the annual exodus triggered by July's Orange Order marches.

"If you are in the Alliance Party you can afford to jump on the next plane to Florida," a hack grumbled.